Straightforward Crap Jokes! - The "I'll get me coat" Collection.

tiredoldhorse

War Hero
Our goldfish died last night after my kids accidentally fed him small pieces of polystyrene.
I'm still trying to flush it down the toilet
 

Choux Bun

Old-Salt
In these difficult times it's hard to get petrol, but I have a friend, if anyone can find it, Jerry can!!

Just getting my coat!!
 
My missus and I went to the Royal Kent Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.

We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said "THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR".

She playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled and said 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said "THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR".

She gave me a healthy jab and said, 'Wow, that's more than twice! a week! You could learn a lot from him.'

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said "THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR".

My missus was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said 'That's once a day.You could REALLY learn something from this one.'








I looked at her and said 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.' .



.
My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.
 
Do you know Murphy 's law?

Yes, if something can go wrong it will.

That's it, do you know Cole' s law.

No, what's that.

Thinly sliced cabbage.

CFB
 
Tell this joke with an accent from Ottley in Yorkshire, with pauses for effect.

Wunce upon a time...right...there were three bears...There were daddy bear, there were mammy bear....and there were baby bear...right...

Now there's f'kin millions of em...

Boomtisch...
 

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