Straightforward Crap Jokes! - The "I'll get me coat" Collection.

miner69er

War Hero
****True facts**** (stolen from elsewhere)

1. In the 1400s a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb.'

2. Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...
Ladies Forbidden'... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

3. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David,
Hearts - Charlemagne,
Clubs -Alexander the Great,
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

4. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'

5. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.
Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

6. Since 1966,England fans have said they are going to win the cup at the start of every football competition, hence the phrase ‘deluded twat’.
 

miner69er

War Hero
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I was on a survival course the other day and the lesson was about foraging for food. The instructor told us to look out for squirrels, follow them and eat their nuts.

Seems like an awful lot of effort for not much meat.
 

Dwarf

LE
In Egypt the government has instructed the Cairo taxi drivers to drive round the city sounding their horns. It is hoped that the familiar sounds will reassure people after the pandemia and help restore a feeling of normality.
Operation Toot and Calm 'Em will last for a week.
 

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