Straightforward Crap Jokes! - The "I'll get me coat" Collection.

I know. It’s one of the first jokes I recollect being told. My London born maternal uncle used it to take the piss out of my Dudley born father 50+ years ago.

My father didn’t have a particularly noticeable Black Country accent (I think he hid it) but his cousins washed their hands in a bison right up until they died.

Useful material for schoolboys. Proof that washing is bad for your health.....
 
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When you’re walking down
the lane and feel a sudden pain
diarrhoea, diarrhoea

You're getting in a state
cos' you've left it very late
diarrhoea diarrhoea

It comes out your bum
like a bullet from a gun
diarrhoea, diarrhoea

It isn’t very funny when it
comes out runny
diarrhoea, diarrhoea

For the drivers:

When you're selecting first
and your pants begin to burst
diarrhoea, diarrhoea

When you're changing into two
and your pants are filled with goo
diarrhoea, diarrhoea

When you're changing into third
and you feel a greasy turd
diarrhoea, diarrhoea

When you're driving into home
and your pants are filled with foam
diarrhoea, diarrhoea
 
When you’re walking down
the lane and feel a sudden pain
diarrhoea, diarrhoea

You're getting in a state
cos' you've left it very late
diarrhoea diarrhoea

It comes out your bum
like a bullet from a gun
diarrhoea, diarrhoea

It isn’t very funny when it
comes out runny
diarrhoea, diarrhoea

For the drivers:

When you're selecting first
and your pants begin to burst
diarrhoea, diarrhoea

When you're changing into two
and your pants are filled with goo
diarrhoea, diarrhoea

When you're changing into third
and you feel a greasy turd
diarrhoea, diarrhoea

When you're driving into home
and your pants are filled with foam
diarrhoea, diarrhoea
I first heard that at boarding school in the 80's. It was funny then, and it's funny now, so I've given you a 'funny' not an 'old'.
 

tiredoldhorse

Old-Salt
My parrot broke its leg today, so I made it a splint using a matchstick.
You should have seen its little face light up when it tried to walk.
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
She thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.

What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot.

Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow into the air?
She missed.
 

dlrg

LE
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dlrg

LE
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