Stories of Conquests!

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by k13eod, Oct 16, 2007.

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  1. Gents (and ladies if you wish).

    As I seem to have a little time on my hands at the moment (not working full time) my thoughts are turned to finishing a postponed project. The project is a book; a collection of stories as told by forces/ex forces personnel ... aka you lot! Now, the working title for this gem (and under copyright) is:

    'Tits First - I'm A Lady'

    Now, as an ex RE it was originally going to be called 'Chatham Girls', but for two good reasons;

    a) I don't live a million miles from the glorious Mudway Towns, so could face vilefication and even assualt!
    b) Chatham Girls was done on a website.

    My personal experience in Chatham (and other postings) proved that where there's a garrison or a barracks there are ladies to be had. And we all have tales of the charm, lies and extreme measures used by our fellow servicemen in their conquests. Or tales of how it went horribly wrong. So send me your stories and I will put them together and maybe get this idea off the ground.

    Please do not post the stories here as it will defeat the object of the project. I would prefer that you send them by e-mail to:

    Obviously, for legal reasons, I cannot use names of a third party in these stories, so only rank and surname initial. I also need the location that the 'event' happened and a rough date. All contributions will be attributed to those who send them by rank (at time of event), surname initial and regiment/corps/arm of service.

    If (big IF) this is sucessful and I get something in print then 15% of all sales will go to service charities.

    Who can help?
  2. So lets get this right.

    You want us to send stories about pulling scutters and at the same time give our No. Rank and name and Regt?

    I thought the CSA was inept but this is taking the piss.

    Unles its a wah of course.
  3. Here's a conquest story.

    Some bloke from Normandy landed not far from Chatham in 1066. Sorry don't know his service number or Regiment though
  4. Thought that I quite clearly said that I only wanted rank (at time of event), surname initial and regiment/corps/arm of service ... pretty anonymous I think?
  5. Think that ones been done ... 'Billy the Bast@rd' wasn't it?
  6. OK I see, misread it thinking it was just mong grammar.
  7. I'll try not to do 'mong grammer' in anything I write ... with electronic assistance of course! :)
  8. Having published a few books myself (as you do) you need to know that copyright law is an arrse so you will be lucky to keep that title. :roll: However, the publisher (when you get one) will almost certainly want to change it for something a little less offensive.
  9. Thanks for the advice. I have a publisher interested; I am currently working on two other projects which they are interested in. As I said, it's only a working title and as such is meant to be descriptive and I suspect not that offensive in this particular forum! :roll:
  10. In the interest of accuracy, surely that should be "Tits outside first, I'm a lady..."

    Mind you, I've never heard that expression from a garrison gobbler myself...they are usually short on conversation and go straight from "A babycham and black please" to "If I bend over these crates, they usually backscuttle me."*

    *As was actually said to me by a Welsh slapper round the back of Tenby's premiere nightery "The Nite (sic) Owl", after I asked her how we were going to achieve the capital act.
  11. True but think about your end of line sales. Picture this book on the shelves of, say, Waterstones and imagine where the staff would want to place it.
  12. Can't see this one ever gracing the shelves of Waterstones seeing as they no longer stock the offensive 'TinTin in the Congo' (which incidently I bought having worked in DRC on many occasions ... funny how the Congolese don't find it offensive!).

    I suspect if I do get anything published it will be an 'order on line' with limited interest (servicemen/ex servicemen). But again, thanks for the advice, being new to this it is very much appreciated and noted.
  13. Hmmm, I think BoS has missed the point here. K13eod, you want us to send you lots of mucky stories about shagging Garrison howlers? He's not the CSA, he's a sex pest!

  14. Sex pest? I should hope so after a lifetime spent in the company of squaddies and ex squaddies! But if I am I can't compete with some of the deviants on this website ... my infrequent forays into the NAAFI Bar have left me scarred for life with mental images that can only be extracted through intensive therapy! :oops: