Stool Chart

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by sniper_bob, Jan 17, 2007.

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  1. For those of you that missed the appalling Gillian McKeith last night, I give you her Stool Table:

    The Classifications aren't nearly descriptive enough, so please feel free to name your last stool and add to Gillian's turd table.
  2. mines a number6!!! :thumleft: and it fucking stunk!!! :headbang:
  3. The 12 pints of Caffreys , tandoori chicken and 4 sweet ciders one I did .the fumes from which blistered the varnish off the bog door doesnt appear to be listed .
    Should have stuck it in a tupperware and posted it to the Poo Guru calling it the VX Panscorcher!
  4. What a load of sh1t :thumleft:
  5. I couldn't see the one with sweetcorn in,if you ask me the stool chart is a load of shi"te

    edited for mong spelling
  6. The nicest feeling in the world apart from Sex which is No1 of course , is a a warm glowing ring after a realy good sh1t that last for ages. :D
  7. foock me it looks like i get cholera every weekend
  8. Mine's a Guiness marmite poo, Cant seem to find it on the chart
  9. By cholera, they obviously mean ten stellas and a buger from the guy who parks his van outside the night club.
  10. Today I will mostly be passing a number 7
  11. Number 6 - the ultimate in pebbledashing.

    A build up over many hours, holding and holding as you know the result, until you release your cargo and spend the next two days just smearing the result around your hairy arrse as you wipe in vain.

    What happened to green/yellow poo?

    No poo is hard to pass when you have a pair of forceps and a sink plunger...
  12. At last an answer to this thread, I had a 7, which became a 5 and ended as a 3. Still no idea what caused it though.

    They don't appear to include the classic cow pat, where your bowels evacuate several pounds of sh1t in one single dump in the space of two seconds, displacing all the water from the bowl.
  13. There is one important poo that is missing from the list and that is the one that comes out easy enough and although mildly satisfying is a b1tch to get off the anal walls and hairs!

    This is that black sticky tarry jobbie that no amount of wiping will get off ones piece. It is the one poo in all the world that destroys the paper of numerous wipes with the ever-attendant risk of the 'finger-plant'.

    The sort of poo that comes from the very depths of hell itself (the inside of my arrse).

    I have met this poo and have live to tell the tale, but it has scarred me, wounded me and made me tremor every time I am called upon to visit Gods portal.

    I have fixed the shortcomings on the Wikipedia listing. There is now a number 8 Poo which aptly describes this most important of dumps. :headbang:
  14. Classic!!
  15. I've just changed the chart too!!! :pc: :jocolor: :jocolor: