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Stolen idea - the punishment fit the crime - thread

#1
smartascarrots said:
Plan in minute detail the exact method, location and timing or execution of every individual member of the current government, tailored to the Mikado-esque principle of making 'the punishment fit the crime' - Jacqui Smith violated to death by Albanian immigrants with a doner kebab, that sort of thing. It's passed many an hour for me.
Deliberately and shamlessy stolen from another thread.

I think this has potential.

So apart from beating them all to death with an ugly stick or burying them in tons on pound coins, which each and every one of them deserve, which politican/medja personality/someone you dislike would you choose and how will you put them to death?

For instance any of the politicans who voted for the hunting ban - torn to bits by a dog pack of course, or trampled to death by a horse or even better ripped to bits by a couple of dozen foxes :)


Des Browne MP - made to close the Pigs Bar on a Saturday night alone!


So who else and how?
 
#3
EL-PIMPO said:
Wasn't there a MP who got the sack for buggering rentboys??
More than one probably but if so what would be your recommended way of execution for him? Buggared to death by mutant midgets or what?
 
#4
For instance any of the politicans who voted for the hunting ban - torn to bits by a dog pack of course, or trampled to death by a horse or even better ripped to bits by a couple of dozen foxes :)

No what they should do because that’s inhumane is.

Chase them across the country until they go to ground, surround them then take three hours to either dig them out or knock their front door in, while taunting them repeatedly, then drag them out kicking and screaming, before shooting them in the back of the head before throwing them to the masses because that’s more humane :twisted:
 
#5
Well, I’ve given this a great deal of thought, obviously.

Des Browne would be dumped in an unpleasant third-world shithole surrounded by unpleasant third-world shitheads (UTWS). He would be given a peashooter (with limited peas); a vest made of egg-boxes on last week’s Blue Peter which he would be forced to hand over to another Labour MP on a regular basis, regardless of the threat; and he would be promised regular breaks back home with the family, which would be reduced by the inability of his airline to procure aircraft on time or even at all.

He would be made to walk towards the UTWS, smiling, having been fully briefed on the damage they were planning to inflict on his person. This briefing would include full-colour film of gunshot wounds and High Explosive trauma. It would also include the fact that his recuperation from any injury would be hampered by inadequate facilities and an abrogation of responsibility on the part of the people who sent him there.

He would of course be fully aware that any split-second action he took in defence of his own life would be subject to microscopic scrutiny by a battery of lawyers and others who had never been in any position of risk. They would nonetheless have the authority to ruin his life and end his career should they decide from the comfort of their offices that he hadn’t reacted quite as they would wish after months of reflection.

He would only be allowed to return home after the required 6 months, at which point he would be told that the POTL he was looking forward to was being curtailed owing to backfill the next deployment of MoD mandarins and CS staff to the land of UTWS. Should he decide he’d had enough, he would need to give one years’ notice of leaving at which point he would be completely abandoned to his nightmares and a world which was too involved in its own obsessions of celebrity trivia to care about him.

A selection of cheap alcohol and tranquilisers would, of course, be made available free of charge and he would be forbidden from wearing shoes which did not have laces.

And don’t get me started on Bob feckin Ainsworth!
 

RP578

LE
Book Reviewer
#8
EL-PIMPO said:
Wasn't there a MP who got the sack for buggering rentboys??
Harvey Proctor a Conservative MP back in the mid/late 1980's. Think he'd been a member of the fa right Monday Club too.
 
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