Stockholm and Venice

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by RTFQ, Dec 16, 2005.

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  1. RTFQ


    I'm going to Stockholm in Jan and Venice in March, courtesy of the airline with no food, no room and grumpy, minging, air hostesses. Mustn't grumble as the tickets cost less than a return ticket to Birmingham New Street, officially the Shitest Place In England.

    Has anyone got any tips on where to go and what to do? I don't want to rub shoulders with retarded american tourists and I'm taking the Useless Wingman, and she won't want to go lap dancing. Any gen on cool little bars, decent restaurants with locals instead of feckwits from Surbiton and alternative attractions would be greatly appreciated.

    Of course, trips away with the lass are really little more than recces, so any info on the cathouses and drunk tanks of these fine cities would also be most welcome.
  2. Well for a start leave her at the airport.
  3. March is by far the best time to go as the place doesnt smell of shiete too much. In terms of Venice I can certainly recommend a great restuarant called the Osteria Oliva Nera round the back of La Pieta.

    Castello, 3417/18 - 30122 Venezia Tel 041 5222170

    After about 9.00pm the place empties of locals as its too expensive to live there and they get the train to the mainland. This means that a lot of restuarants are dead and expect generally poor service.

    Avoid the places within 100-200m of St Marks Sq as they are tourist rip off joints. Harry's Bar is cramped and a bit shiete ie full of eurotrash swigging belinis covered in bling. I balked at paying £10 for a cup of frothy coffee in St Marks Square and the fcuking pigeons are a pain in the arrse. I saw one poor kid in a pram have a handful of seed thrown on him by his big brother and by the time he'd beaten off the rats with wings he was covered in shiete. Probably traumatised him for life.

    Go on the itinerari secretti (secret tour) of the Doge's Palace. The torture room is quite cool and you can see where Casanova was imprisoned etc etc. Go up the Campanile in St Marks Square for some excellent views.

    Get over to the other islands Murano etc if you have time.

    Dont forget to pack your red hooded rainmac and meat cleaver so the locals think there's a re make of the 1973 classic "Dont Look Now" being filmed :wink:

    Never been to Stockholm
  4. RTFQ


    Thanks Oz, it's not true what they all say about you being useless and everything ;)
  5. Stockholm doesn't get that packed with yanks and certainly in January the weather will mean it is outside of the tourist season. Are you landing at Skavsta airport? If so, there is a good rail and bus service into Stockholm.

    Most pubs will be full of locals, just take a few spare credit cards for the price of booze, and get pssshed on beer from the supermarkets before you go out on the town!!
  6. spot on oz.

    avoid st marks like the plague get out around the outskirts lots of little bars where you will not have to put wingman on the game to pay for the drinks.

    if the female insists on have coffee on St Marks, "coz its so pretty and cool" either push her into the grand canal or drink coffee standing up, much much cheaper.

    Do not reapeat do not go on a gondola trip without agreeing the price first as our eyetie punt pushing friends are thieving gits that will rob you blind, also agree to the additional cost of the git warbling out of tune

    a trip arounf the moreno glass factory is quite good, picked up a couple of bargains relative to uk prices
  7. It's funny that you should be going to Stockholm RT. A mate sent me a powerpoint thing with all these w ank fantasies found on the Stockholm club scene...can I come too????






    Just off to the toilet..
  8. toilet????? 8O sod that...i'm off to Stockholm for chrimbo leave!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
  9. RTFQ


    Looks like I'm going to have to enter a Zen-like trance in order to convince the lass that I'm not looking. I have a sad feeling that all i'm going to be able to see of Stockholm is my girlfriend's eyes and pub ceilings. I'm going to prep myself using the picture above - I must keep repeating to myself: somewhere there is a bloke who is fed up with her whining, somewhere there is a bloke who is fed up with her whining.

    My lord she is a pretty one. Be strong RT!
  10. You never know RT, your woman might enjoy the view too, you might even get to be a spectator! (That's your Zen meditation plan fecked!)

  11. RTFQ


    Oh bejesus. What did my master tell me? "First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain. Then there is."

    Be strong man...
  12. Also if you need a distraction you can go a walt hunting/clubbing! don't know what that bloke is doing with a dpm shirt, hate em, almost as bad as that guy in the club other night wearing a fecking cs95 jacket and trying to persuade me he was in the army! Had a dutch(?) trf on too. Gah.