Stitch up a civvy Chav

#1
At my work place I work alongside a lazy good for fcukall chav, the problems are his brother is our supervisor and I always end up finishing his work cause hes either on his fcuking mobile or on the bog or having a fag or all 3. We work in a mechanical engineering workshop so a safety issue is prominent and as much as I would like to I dont want to kill him.Any good ideas out there as hes really doing my head in. :x
 
#3
Lower a car onto him. Just look blank when they ask why he was 'restrained' too the floor.
 
#4
Kill the brother first. Then when you fill him in, no comeback. Simples.

That's lateral thinking, that is.
 
#5
engineering workshop... hmm...


got an oxy-acetylene torch? use it to fill up a balloon or 3, tie them up where he normally has a fag. with any luck, PHOOM.
 
#6
Do you have a large lathe ? Ask the chav to help you change the chuck over....... whilst he is holding it and slotting it into position.... hit the start button. Chav gets eaten by naughty machine, smiles all round.
 
#7
Or, grow a set, tell the 'big boys' (i.e. higher management) that there is a waste of space that is eating into their profits on the say-so of a retarded supervisor, and recommend, that maybe, you could do a better job.

1) Problem solved.
2) You get a payrise.
3) One more chav gets to sign on
4) The said chav gets to live on the streets, as his family disowns him for getting his semi successful brother the sack.
5) You actually get a set, instead of bitching on the internet.


Where is the flaw in that plan?
 
#8
indoubitabley said:
Or, grow a set, tell the 'big boys' (i.e. higher management) that there is a waste of space that is eating into their profits on the say-so of a retarded supervisor, and recommend, that maybe, you could do a better job.

1) Problem solved.
2) You get a payrise.
3) One more chav gets to sign on
4) The said chav gets to live on the streets, as his family disowns him for getting his semi successful brother the sack.
5) You actually get a set, instead of bitching on the internet.


Where is the flaw in that plan?
He hasn't got a set, or know where to get a set from?
 
#10
If the work is attributed to him, make a bollox of it. Have to give us more of an idea what you do
 
#11
theoriginalphantom said:
He hasn't got a set, or know where to get a set from?
Four foot snake, I'm a civy now, and I still know to take less shite than a bulimics toilet.

In the 2 years i've been out, tell me things haven't changed that much!
 
#12
taffplod said:
At my work place I work alongside a lazy good for fcukall chav, the problems are his brother is our supervisor and I always end up finishing his work cause hes either on his fcuking mobile or on the bog or having a fag or all 3. We work in a mechanical engineering workshop so a safety issue is prominent and as much as I would like to I dont want to kill him.Any good ideas out there as hes really doing my head in. :x
What ever he cuts, wait until he is away and re-cut his pile 1cm shorter.

Put it back in the pile. It's a wink :wink:

Because I can't find any Sly Border Welshmen Smilies.
 
#13
ub3rb0wl said:
engineering workshop... hmm...


got an oxy-acetylene torch? use it to fill up a balloon or 3, tie them up where he normally has a fag. with any luck, PHOOM.
Nice but too obvious.
However, an oxy bottle with the valve just cracked open a tad should eventually fill the smoking room with enough 'gas' to help him light his fag.

Then it'll really be a smoking room.
 
#14
BarkingSpider said:
ub3rb0wl said:
engineering workshop... hmm...


got an oxy-acetylene torch? use it to fill up a balloon or 3, tie them up where he normally has a fag. with any luck, PHOOM.
Nice but too obvious.
However, an oxy bottle with the valve just cracked open a tad should eventually fill the smoking room with enough 'gas' to help him light his fag.

Then it'll really be a smoking room.
would be better with both bottles opened a bit, as cracking open the O2 alone is only going to make his fag burn faster.
 
#15
Have a dump into his safety boots.......
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
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#16
Or; take him aside and explain that you are concerned about his welfare and health. Talk to his brother and discuss strategies for his advancement. Remember, he is just a civvy, has not had the huge benefit of having been a serving soldier, one of the chosen few, who on date of attestation, become imbued with magical and wondrous powers. Therefore it is your bounden duty to help this man in any way that you can, for is he not one of the casteless? An unfortunate that needs help, support and most of all, love?
 
#19
Start some world class bezzering and invite him on a weekends hiking/fishing/camping etc. Then introduce him to an entrenching tool, RGJ stylee.
 

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