Stinking rotten farts

I unleashed a beast of a fart in bed this morning. I had to get out and go to the bathroom to check I hadn't sharted.
Even the dog, who was led on the landing looked at me in disgust. I actually made myself feel physically sick.
 

triggerigger

Old-Salt
i have found high protein sports shakes can produce visible stink lines as the air shimmers. 4am in a van full of tired grumpy shopfitters involved offers of extreme violence for any repetition. smelt like fresh cat shit which can be smelt through glass with my cats.
 
Clearing a roomful of my fellow brickies after dropping a posie that was made from a witches brew of Singapore noodles, salt and pepper shrimp and eight or ten tins of Victoria Bitter the night before was one of my more prouder moments as they dashed away blaspheming and cursing me in French. Memories of that still a bring a tear to my eye just like the way I brought tears to their eyes.
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
There was on older gentleman Stu, who used to frequent my local watering hole.

His farts were a thing of disgusting beauty and could clear the bar area in seconds, normally accompanied by insults and threats of violence by other patrons.

The pub owner threatened to bar Stu unless he desisted because there were too many complaints from customers especially those that were ordering food.

Luckily things returned to normal several months later when Stu died of bowel cancer.
 

gorillaguts981

Old-Salt
My Nom-de-fume might give away one of my few talents. I wanted to know why I was so unpopular and reeked a bit, so I genned up on the cause. The nastiest part of your gas is called Mercaptan and could easily be weaponised. As for why they smell worse in the bath/shower, it's probably because the higher humidity means water droplets dissolve the nasties then stick to the receptors in your snout giving you a concentrated dose. Stink on. GG
 
My Nom-de-fume might give away one of my few talents. I wanted to know why I was so unpopular and reeked a bit, so I genned up on the cause. The nastiest part of your gas is called Mercaptan and could easily be weaponised. As for why they smell worse in the bath/shower, it's probably because the higher humidity means water droplets dissolve the nasties then stick to the receptors in your snout giving you a concentrated dose. Stink on. GG
I haven't heard that word for years. As I recall Ethyl Mercaptan is what gives rotting meat it's smell.
 
Lunch.... Today beans on toast, with two poached eggs on top


looking forward to a visit to the supermarket later this afternoon
 
Lunch.... Today beans on toast, with two poached eggs on top


looking forward to a visit to the supermarket later this afternoon
Mate, your farts are legendary!
 

Just_plain_you

Old-Salt
I have had the opposite, living with my ex. I found an old recipe for french onion soup and made it a couple of times. Each night after eating I would be gasping for breath as she slept under the duvet which was floating on a layer of gas.
She never understood how I managed to lose and forget such a simple recipe.
Never mind the ex, please post a picture of the recipe.
 
"Sir, you farted before my wife!"
"I'm sorry old chap - I didn't know it was her turn!"



I'll give myself an 'old'.
My tutor for my first 10 weeks out of the factory was ex 7RHA. He delighted in having a student who was older than him, male and ex-mob. He'd tutored three young women before - first night shift we had a farting competition - first to crack and open the window bought the coffee - we declared a draw as we were both on the point of asphyxia. We were frequently labelled disgusting for comments such as Me: 'Have you farted, Rich? Rich: 'Of course I have, do you think I always smell this rotten?'
 

Dennis48

War Hero
Found the best thing for weapons grade farts is breathing copious amounts of Cordite fumes, after being enclosed within a Gun Turret during live firing exercises produces clouds of the of the stuff. When the crews of 4 turrets get together after the shoot the cordite fumes are bad enough but add farts to the mixture then you have a recipe for a new crowd control weapon.
 
Ahhhhhh. Today. NHS place full of some absolutely gorgeous young fillies. One lift.

I'd had a curry and a few beers last night and a full cooked this morning.

Anyway, picked up what needed to be picked up and descended in said lift, as we neared the bottom I let out an absolute rip snorting, murderously vile ,quite frankly fucking disgusting fart.

Lift door opens and we get out and bugger off toot sweet. The ladies who got in after us could be seen through the office windows gagging and wretching, I'm pretty sure one of them was sick.

My oppo...."you're a filthy cunt"
 

Blogg

LE
I am reliably informed that the quality of farts after enthusiastic consumption of Surströmming (Swedish fermented herring) with of course much beer is breathtaking in every possible sense.
 
I am reliably informed that the quality of farts after enthusiastic consumption of Surströmming (Swedish fermented herring) with of course much beer is breathtaking in every possible sense.
Guinness and picked eggs always produced wonderfully consistent farts with a really foul aroma
 

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