Stinking rotten farts

Gotta love this headline:

'Gary Anderson & Wesley Harms deny farting accusations at Grand Slam of Darts'

Gary Anderson & Wesley Harms deny farting accusations at Grand Slam of Darts

Some athletes blame poor performances on the state of the pitch. Others blame it on tactics, or perhaps just a bad day at the office.
But blaming your opponent for farting is definitely a new one.
Yet that's exactly what happened at the Grand Slam of Darts in Wolverhampton, with both Gary Anderson and Wesley Harms denying responsibility for the "rotten egg smells".

Two-time Scottish world champion Anderson, 47, won Friday's match 10-2 to progress to the quarter-finals, but Dutchman Harms, 34, was quick to explain his sub-standard performance by accusing Anderson of leaving a "fragrant smell".

I'm impressed that the Beeb also managed to squeeze in 'Grand Slam' into the headline.
 
Rotten farts are because you is eating rubbish.

I only eat fruit , veges, nuts, yoghurt, salads, lean meat, and water now, and I drop off a perfect stool at the pool every morning, and none of my farts ming at all.
I imagine the pool cleaners aren't impressed nor are the other swimmers having to dodge your eggs.
 
Regrettably Col Gadd-Haffi has previous of his own that should have been confessed to; as a junior staff officer in the 80s on the Kings Road, I remember freely imbibing of Bass and ending the evening with a few pickled eggs. It was not a wise move for a yuppie to stand next to me in the close proximity of the tube. I would at first see the nostrils twitch, then a distinct change in pallour and as a coup de grace, watch gleefully as the hungover pillock started to wretch, sometimes evacuating the carriage. I share the pain of the darts players.
 
Its processed and rich posh foods that make your shit stank not vegetarian stuff, I was a vegetarian for a few years and I produced no farts even though I was living on home made hummus, Quorn burgers, lentils, and broccoli stalks.
 
What I don't understand is why farting in the bath magnifies both the sound and the smell. It seems to be a boombox for *********.

It does that simply because of the pressure needed to expel the tommy squeaker, the sound is the need for inrcreased pressure of inflating the little bath ballons de splendour, with water being denser than air. The smell is because it is pressurised, i.e condensed.
Any physics guru tell me I'm wrong but that's my understanding.....
 
What I don't understand is why farting in the bath magnifies both the sound and the smell. It seems to be a boombox for *********.
Have you tried filling a jar with water, inverting it and hovering it over the bubble stream so that you can capture the expelled gases? When done you could put the lid on the jar ready for testing later. Rather than sniffing the jar you could try introducing a burning or glowing spint to test for methane. Not everyone produces methane so don't be disappointed if the test fails. I have not tried it as it won't work in a shower.
 
Have you tried filling a jar with water, inverting it and hovering it over the bubble stream so that you can capture the expelled gases? When done you could put the lid on the jar ready for testing later. Rather than sniffing the jar you could try introducing a burning or glowing spint to test for methane. Not everyone produces methane so don't be disappointed if the test fails. I have not tried it as it won't work in a shower.

Wouldn't work unless you stuck a pipe up your arse (if you are into that stuff) and put the other end right to the top of the inverted jar.
The water molecules in the jar are contained so need more pressure to shift out the way, so the bubbles of bliss would just fuck off round the jar instead of in it..... this is all speculation and not through empirical research lol .
 
Have you tried filling a jar with water, inverting it and hovering it over the bubble stream so that you can capture the expelled gases? When done you could put the lid on the jar ready for testing later. Rather than sniffing the jar you could try introducing a burning or glowing spint to test for methane. Not everyone produces methane so don't be disappointed if the test fails. I have not tried it as it won't work in a shower.
The grimmest farts have a high sulphur content, that's what gives the best ones their heady aroma. Apparently farts are mostly swallowed air coupled with digestive gasses.
 
Wouldn't work unless you stuck a pipe up your arse (if you are into that stuff) and put the other end right to the top of the inverted jar.
The water molecules in the jar are contained so need more pressure to shift out the way, so the bubbles of bliss would just **** off round the jar instead of in it..... this is all speculation and not through empirical research lol .
I did wonder about the bubbles bypassing the jar but won't be trying to play a flute with my farts any time soon.


This health-tracking device sniffs your farts
 
I did wonder about the bubbles bypassing the jar but won't be trying to play a flute with my farts any time soon.


This health-tracking device sniffs your farts
This could have serious implications. At present, farting is the only antisocial behaviour that's not easily provable. Stand by for the offence of guffing without due care and attention after everyone's forced to wear a fart alarm.

First it was pissing in the pool, now this.
 
One thing fart related I have never got is how you get the ones that become your own personal stalker, you go to the loo, let out a belter and think yep, no problem let's leave this bad boy in here. You go through the usual double airlock doors back into the room, walk twenty yards upto the bar to stand next to the hot bird/ 6 pint minger whatever. Everyone looks at you as if you are actually made of shit!!! It's almost like the fucker even though escaped your body want's to hold onto you like a bezzer.
 
One thing fart related I have never got is how you get the ones that become your own personal stalker, you go to the loo, let out a belter and think yep, no problem let's leave this bad boy in here. You go through the usual double airlock doors back into the room, walk twenty yards upto the bar to stand next to the hot bird/ 6 pint minger whatever. Everyone looks at you as if you are actually made of shit!!! It's almost like the ****** even though escaped your body want's to hold onto you like a bezzer.
I wonder if it is to do with negative pressure created by your forward movement at pace that sucks the stool gas along with you, losing just enough along the way to give everyone a fair whiff of the heady mixture. There's worse than farts though. Some people have an ammoniac honk about them way beyond the subtleties and complexities of ripe Stilton. Farm smells are something you get used to. These are more like festering Gouda and acrid burning rubber.
 

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What I don't understand is why farting in the bath magnifies both the sound and the smell. It seems to be a boombox for *********.
Nothing wrong with bath-trumps. Perfectly harmless ablutionary pastime. It is where the expression "puff-adder" comes from; a person who farts in the bath and counts the bubbles. Some of my best work has been done while imitating a Serengeti Hippo in a wallow. Great fun and keeps the dog amused for hours.
 
This thread should be part of the national curriculum.
 

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