Stinking bastards.

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Flagrantviolator, Jul 9, 2007.

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  1. Ever had a "stinker" on any courses you've taken or instructed? You know what I mean. Usually incompetent, ugly tw@ts who can't get along with their section-mates, constantly bring sh1t down on the whole section, and get their revenge through being a generally odiferous slumgullion?I find they are normally the ones to Psych off of recruit courses, as their purposful dearth of basic hygiene does nothing to improve their already tenuous position with their "mates". Let's hear about the worst you've known... :evil:
  2. Can you tell us about whichever scrote obviously prompted this? :D
  3. I ran into this fcker last week, after about 10 yrs. Here's his story:
    We'll call him Tyrone. His real surname is very similar.It was a summer Militia (TA) course, 1st Armoured Career Qual course. Meaning GPMG, driving Iltis (jeep), basic recce,coms, Amd.Unit org.,AFV recog., etc. A very easy course. So this guy, Tyrone, comes from the most hated ,generally incompetent unit in the district, having done a Weekends recuit course. Whoever recruited this guy should have been repeatedly shot in the face. He's 5'6" short, BMI of about 15 (no shit, "teen-allowance"), and dyslexic to the point where he needed someone to take notes for him, which he couldn't later read, as he was dyslexic. But, to his credit (not) he was also a sullen, melancholy crybaby.We were quartered in modular tentage w/ palate and coco-mat floors, sleeping on cots. Tyrone was OK(for Tyrone, that is) for about a week.Then it started. First, he was completely useless for drill, coms,etc. Driving was another story altogether. Did I mention the Narcolepsy? I couldn't make this sh1t up. So he crashes an Iltis into a stop-sign, which pierced the fuel tank, causing a haz-mat cleanup as well as the ensuing cop-show(civvy road). The instructors then started coming down on poor Tyrone, and when this proved insufficient, the collective punishment started. We all took it in stride for about a week, even trying to help the poor bstard. But as it went on he got more and more sullen, and stopped showering. We didn't notice for a while, as the guy wasn't fully out of puberty, and wasn't driven enough to really sweat. We kept telling him, pleading with him to shower once he got eye-wateringly rank. The final straw was one morning's inspection when our MCpl. was reviewing us in our tent. "Holy FCK, Tyrone, what is that stench?!?!/ IT's you, Tyrone ,it's YOU!!! WTF!?!?" ,whereupon he kicked over every cot and barracks box on our side of the tent.The whole tent got CB'd until Tyrone showered. We formed up using brooms and mops as rifles, and ceremonial-guarded the bstrd over to the showers, striped him down and blocked the doors. He cried and cried, soaked his rat-like body for 15 secs. and slipped out through buddys legs, running nude back to the mods.
    He still stunk, though, prompting us to gun-tape him to his cot a few days later and standing it outside in a torrential thunderstorm. He cried and cried. As it happens, a 2Lt. from his own unit was running by, trying to get out of the rain, and was alerted to Tyrone's plight by his mewling and caterwauling. To our amazement, Lt. looked out from under the poncho he was holding over his head, sussed that no-one important was watching, and promptly knocked Tyrone's cot over in the rain and ran off.We all got CB'd for a week by the smirking Course Warrant. Tyrone padre'd out 2 days later.
    He's a security guard at a local mall, now. Didn't look happy to talk to me.....
  4. Regimental Bath! :twisted:
  5. Fraid I can say I have had the odious pleasure of such a plebs company on a Unit fire NCOs course a ouple of years ago..
    Some fat loggy tw*t , probably about 17 stone in weight, bone idle and thick as 2 short planks.(think Gober Pile and you get the idea)
    Got lumbered with him in a presentation for which we came up with some bullet notes on basic firefighting kit (Stuff everyone needed to know about for a test and needless to say that the chubby t*sser had no input on them)
    Next thing me and my mates know is we walk into the lecture room the day after we'd printed up our notes to find that the afore mentioned mong had photocopied them and given a copy to everyone on the cadre.. including the DS.
    Everyone on the course was subsequently accused of cheating and made to re-sit the exam and yours truly got b*llocked for instigating the whole thing.

    Worse thing was that he decided to live in for the last week of the course and decided he'd kip in with his presentation "mates". Queue a week of mouldy coffee cups, kit explosions, not showering and general olafactorty unpleasentness.
  6. Had a fester on the MT you'd walk into the office and know he was there before seeing him the jacket he had hummed few of the couriers complained about his "oder" as well he'd been sent over to MT cuase he was gopping from the depot...yes Jock C you were a total fezz who needs scubbing with a gallon of bleach and he wondered why he was still a tom :roll:
  7. ?! Pardon?!?!?
  8. We had a private who's bathing habits were very suspect when I was stationed in Germany. His squadmates decided to take matters into thier own hands one night after his foul funk had finally driven them to the point of madness. They dragged him kicking and screaming down to the communal shower and proceeded to vigorously apply scouring powder and long handled scrub brushes to the poor fellow's hide. Doubt he had ever been so clean... and the lesson stuck as his hygene improved tremendously.

    Being the caring NCOs that we were... my roomate and I headed off to the NCO club for a couple hours just before the festivities commenced. ;)
  9. we had a couple on our exercise two years ago. we were all in the billet and the showers were about 50 metres away. a few of us noticed that they didnt go near them the whole two weeks. when asked about it the said they had showered before us or the night before, even used that excuse after our pt sessions. couldnt do anything on them as they ran screaming to the sgt everytime even when we were playing practical jokes on them and the rest of the platoon so that nobody could say bullying was part of our unit....MONGS of the highest order
  10. I was that man. My 15 minutes of fame.
  11. And I was him to
  12. A recruit who got put into my section a couple of years ago certainly made his prescence known, he fecking stank, never smelt anything like it in my life, even had a dirty green look on his face all the time and was the subject of many a boll*cking from yours truly. The final exercise was the final straw though, whilst taking part in some F&M exercises, i noticed that his pockets on his jacket were swinging all over the place, so I says to him "Empty your pockets onto the floor". Out come 3 x half eaten boil in the bags, 1 x weapon cleaning kit (loose), half a mars bar, notebook and pen (covered in corn beef hash) KFS, lots of dirty bits of 4x2 and dirty bog roll and his beret! Unbelievable that people can live like that and this was only the second day of the exercise!
  13. Troop upstairs had a few mingers and one got a regi bath for his troubles so he grassed them up to the troop staff who beasted the full troop. The minger also got included in the beasting for being a snitch :lol:
  14. We had a minger in my first unit. The difference was he was absolute nails and a fecking great lad who stuck up for all the underdogs.

    "For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Chuck him out, the brute!"
    But it's "Saviour of 'is country" when the guns begin to shoot;
    An' it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' anything you please;
    An' Tommy ain't a bloomin' fool -- you bet that Tommy sees"!

  15. We had another one cross trooped to us from fester troop upstairs
    what a grot would never think of washing his civi's even though they were plastered in dried floor wax from doing block jobs. He wouldnt think twice of robbing your undies out the drying room either. But the worst was still to come SSM's block inspection lockers open pulls down the bograts webbing bag from the top box to find his resi case and resi full of dried spew and inside the locker 1/2 eaten tin of compo with mould on it.

    And a mong who jibbed it in first 6 weeks got caught in a room inspection shoving his sh1tty pants behind the lockers during an was errm very interesting