Steven Seagal

Discussion in 'Films, Music and All Things Artsy' started by windrush, Jun 13, 2006.

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  1. This is possibly the biggest news of my life.

    Casey is back in some kind of completely original plot.
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0291537/

    I can see it already. He will be aboard the plane as an innocent passenger, grab maybe one or two completely inept passengers who become his loyal followers in Rybacks war on terror.
    Maybe one of them will be a token black guy who will only say "Damn" and "Shiiiiiiit"
    He will then bag a hot air hostess and spout lots of cheese, whilst keeping all those generals at the pentagon in deep suspence.

    That will show those terrorists not to fuk with one bad ass Delta Force/ Navy SEAL/ Marine/ CIA/ FBI/ Chef/ loving uncle/more cheesy than Chuck Norris- mother fuker.

    How much would people like to bet that this film does not claim any oscars??

    Their house....woman....entire extended family??
    I think its a safe bet!
     
  2. Oh please, for the love of sweet Jesus, Mary, Joseph and all the Saints- somebody tell me this isn't true...

    Say, kids. Can you say "Straight to DVD?"
     
  3. ' I also cook'
     

  4. You just did.
     
  5. The US army will be using this film as a training video for counter insurgency...its going to be that good!
     
  6. Hum, lets see;

    No 1 (Ship)

    No 2 (Train)

    No 3 (wait don't tell me a plane?)

    No 4 (Funeral of Casey?)

    He must be getting on abit and his role in Executive Decision was blink and miss him.

    I have no idea how this film will turn out but I bet it involves him at the controls giving a cheesey yank salute to someone "Hoo Yah Master Chief"

    Maybe they have his favourite third cousin / daughter / old CO held hostage.

    Perhaps we had better stop this thread for given its realism we might betray the current US Army tactics to the enemy.
     
  7. Seagull is the least convincing action hero I've ever had the misfortune to watch, he makes Van Jam look ally ffs!
     
  8. Surely not !
    jezus if he tried some moves he'd break a leg.


    maybe gordon brown stole his pension too :?

    forcing him to work till he's 120 :eek:
     
  9. Not so much Straight to DVD but hopefully Straight to bin and not the bargain one!

    It sounds like a remake of Executive Decision which is by far his best work
     
  10. To quote one Casey Ryback "What kind of babbling bullshit is this?"

    Under Seige is responsible for some of the crappest dialogue ever spoken - and Steve's acting skills don't help.

    "You're incredible, Ryback. It's a shame you're not cooking for us" - oh dear

    At least in Executive Decision he had the good sense to get himself killed in the first twenty minutes leaving the rest of us free to enjoy the movie.
    Stand by for duff gags about cooking and airline food. And Plane Danger may well be the worst film subtitle of all time.


    In related news the guy responsible for writing the screenplay for this film - and the two previous work of arrse - has also penned the film version of the computer game Dead or Alive. I can't even begin to imagine how crap that's going to be.
     
  11. Steven Seagal.

    Surely im not the only person in existance to notice the general decline in Mr Seagal over the years?

    Having watched two woeful films in as many nights, firstly 'submerged' and then 'today you die', its quite sad to see the man who brought us casey rybak plodding around on screen looking like a proper fat porker, with body doubles, fight doubles and also voice doubles and scripts revealing only half the story.

    Gone are they hey days of under siege which had everything a good movie needs; guns, helicopters, maniac bad guy, fighting and a naked bint. Gone are the days when boys and men of all ages could gather round the t.v safe in the knowledge that seagal would produce the goods and give us something to practice on unsuspecting work/classmates the next day.

    Surely im not the only one who feels this way?

    -Rant over

    BeastAS
     
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Yes this is true, but gotta love that new Orange Ad at the flicks!

    Its very funny!
     
  13. Nico was very good - for its time. But just like Jean-Claude Van Damme, limited acting skills and very poor plots will always let them down. As for Under Seige - the only good bit was when the Baywatch bird flashes that wonderful set of breasticles! Mmmmmmmm :p
     
  14. I found myself in Paris earlier this year and on the Metro walls saw adverts for the great man himself. Touring as a singer!

    Apparently he's quite popular in France. Sort of like Hasslehof in Germany.

    Yet another reason to mock them I suppose.
     
  15. He is playing glasgow pretty soon.