Stephen Hawkings

Steven Hawkings went out last night on a blind date; the first date in many years.

When he failed to return last night police were informed and sent out search parties to look for him; he was eventually found this morning laid in a street and in a sorry state. He had broken glasses, a chipped front tooth, a broken right wrist, skinned knees and a twisted left ankle.

Police are working on the theory that his date stood him up.

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