Stealth booze. Where does it come from?

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#1
Like most squaddies/matelots/bootnecks, I have a healthy drinking habit. I even have a cheeky little beverage cupboard. In fact the far left cupboard in my kitchen is a makeshift bar complete with wine rack, novelty bottle openers, straws, shot glasses and a cocktail shaker that I have used once.

Among the bottles of vintage port, champagne and wine, I have a few decent whiskeys, some nice rum from Guyana and a big crate of Peroni Nastro Azzuro which is my beer of choice.

If you delve a little deeper however, you'll find some complete and utter shite. Among my collection I have a bottle of strawberry wine, 3 cans of spesh, Bristol cream sherry, aniseed liquor, Advocaat, some Bulgarian wine, ouzo, a variety of miniatures that appear to have been stolen from an aeroplane, some German schnapps type things wrapped in brown paper and a large bottle of Grande Duque Alba whatever the fcuk that may be.

Now the thing is, I have absolutely no recollection of purchasing, 'borrowing' or liberating any of this shite. The missus rarely drinks and wouldn't have bought it. Where the fuck did it come from? I have the odd soiree but I don't think any of my friends and acquaintances are the sort to bring that kind of pikey shite to a party.

I'm toying with the idea of making a mega death wet and seeing where the weekend takes me. Either that or I could take some of it round to my local tramp and let him crack on. Any other suggestions?

What gash booze do you have kicking around?
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#3
I quite like Amarula, it's like Baileys but less gay.
 
#4
i found a bottle of poteen when i was unpacking my into my quarter 2 years ago, dont know where it came from tasted like shit but tried to drink it anyway, just had a look in the "cupboard" its still there and i swear it is fuller than last time i looked, anyway going to have to try and drink some more of it now.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#6
You're kidding. Amarula has strange african fruits in it. It's more camp than a row of pink tents. I know you're in the Navy, I guess you have different V&S from us Breeders.
Yeah fair one. I suppose all those years of getting drunk on Pledge furniture polish have meddled with my taste buds.
 
#7
Stroh 80. Got given it by a german 'mate" when I went on Grapple 1 (oh yes), took it with me, drank a shot out of it, puked up and threw it in the MFO box, and for some reason can't throw it away. Thinking about giving it to my son on his 18th....... That'll teach the fkuker!!!!
 
#8
I have a bottle of Jeremiah Weed's finest* and you're not getting any.

* Go to appendix 1. Nort Nelson told me about this a few years ago during a war-story session over red ruin. I retaliated with my Ripon Bks Friday Night Bop tale of heroism.
 
#9
Like most squaddies/matelots/bootnecks, I have a healthy drinking habit. I even have a cheeky little beverage cupboard. In fact the far left cupboard in my kitchen is a makeshift bar complete with wine rack, novelty bottle openers, straws, shot glasses and a cocktail shaker that I have used once.

Among the bottles of vintage port, champagne and wine, I have a few decent whiskeys, some nice rum from Guyana and a big crate of Peroni Nastro Azzuro which is my beer of choice.

If you delve a little deeper however, you'll find some complete and utter shite. Among my collection I have a bottle of strawberry wine, 3 cans of spesh, Bristol cream sherry, aniseed liquor, Advocaat, some Bulgarian wine, ouzo, a variety of miniatures that appear to have been stolen from an aeroplane, some German schnapps type things wrapped in brown paper and a large bottle of Grande Duque Alba whatever the fcuk that may be.

Now the thing is, I have absolutely no recollection of purchasing, 'borrowing' or liberating any of this shite. The missus rarely drinks and wouldn't have bought it. Where the fuck did it come from? I have the odd soiree but I don't think any of my friends and acquaintances are the sort to bring that kind of pikey shite to a party.

I'm toying with the idea of making a mega death wet and seeing where the weekend takes me. Either that or I could take some of it round to my local tramp and let him crack on. Any other suggestions?

What gash booze do you have kicking around?
Pm Rampant with a list of that shite and see what he can cook you up.

Failing that, pop down the park and pour it down the local chavs. Within minutes they'll be re-enacting ancient Rome orgies. You can giggle your tits off as their tracksuits go up in flames from the friction!

Edited to add: Two bottles of cheap wine,Two half bottles of citrus Smirnoff and a bottle of Baileys?
Left overs from the last time Mrs Seagulls pals got ready here before going out. The cheap wine may not see the dawn.
 
#10
Stroh 80. Got given it by a german 'mate" when I went on Grapple 1 (oh yes), took it with me, drank a shot out of it, puked up and threw it in the MFO box, and for some reason can't throw it away. Thinking about giving it to my son on his 18th....... That'll teach the fkuker!!!!
stroh is like gravy and piss...on fire, horrible but lethal stuff
 
#11
Anyone for Pimms?
Anyone???

Ravers, whilst I applaud the size that your kitchen cupboard must be (of almost sh*dlike proportions) I have to take issue with your "healthy drinking habit". What the fuck is a matelot doing having any booze left in the house at all?
Matelots don't do drinks cabinets, they don't get time to populate...ever. Matelots merely have booze ready use lockers with the odd "emergency resupply" drill having to be carried out if sun-uppers is undertaken.
 
#12
Maciera, a Portuguese brandy.

Look, it tasted ok with the morning coffee on that holiday. How was I to know it was actually like brasso strained through a G10 sock?
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#13
Anyone for Pimms?
Anyone???

Ravers, whilst I applaud the size that your kitchen cupboard must be (of almost sh*dlike proportions) I have to take issue with your "healthy drinking habit". What the fuck is a matelot doing having any booze left in the house at all?
Matelots don't do drinks cabinets, they don't get time to populate...ever. Matelots merely have booze ready use lockers with the odd "emergency resupply" drill having to be carried out if sun-uppers is undertaken.
Oh I have a ready use locker, it's called the fridge. I see your point however and I will make an effort to purge my cupboard of all it's gash contents this weekend. On Monday I shall come up smiling, with a hangover that would kill a WAFU and an empty cupboard.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#14
Just cracked open the brandy, not too shabby at all.
 
#15
Good drills, crack on! I'm turned to at 5am so I fully expect to read some drunken postings in the morning. (NUCCO day 20).

don't let me down.
 
#16
#17
Stroh 80. Got given it by a german 'mate" when I went on Grapple 1 (oh yes), took it with me, drank a shot out of it, puked up and threw it in the MFO box, and for some reason can't throw it away. Thinking about giving it to my son on his 18th....... That'll teach the fkuker!!!!
Luvverly stuff! It's the cooking apple of the alcoholic drink. Put too much in your mouth and it's unbearable. Take a very small amount, hold it in your mouth, let it swill about and absorb it through palate, gums and tongue. Enjoy it slowly.

Unfortunately, it gives you the very devil of a bad head the following morning, it etches red stains into crystal glass and lifts varnish.

Very entertaining to offer a glass of it to your mate who drinks shorts in "cowboy downing Red-eye" fashion. Have a stretcher and defibrillator handy, though. And a bucket.
 
#18
Why is it that the Kruskovac that tasted so essence s mlijekom in the Balkans doesn't seem quite the same at home?
 
#19
I'm an alkie in Alcoholics Anonymous and I can't think of any alcohol that I would rate as 'shite'! But there's some better than others, I'll agree; the stronger the better in my books but even whatever the fuck is Grande Duque Alba would do in a tight spot.

And this gets my vote!

I'm toying with the idea of making a mega death wet and seeing where the weekend takes me.
 
#20
....some German schnapps type things wrapped in brown paper.....
aka:
Unterberg: A digestif, i.e., a drink enjoyed after dinner to aid digestion of the food, although some may take issue with the use of the word "enjoyed". Unterberg is particularly vicious-tasting, and in a well-advised move, is sold in tiny bottles.

Otherwise known as the BFG alcoholics kill or cure remedy. Take one bottle, repair to the lavatory, and whilst standing over the bowl down the entire contents in one. You will either puke your guts up or be fixed in about 5 minutes flat. In the UK it's a throw back to the 70's and used to be found hanging behind the bar in bandoliers.

Treat with extreme caution!

Do not, under any circumstances, believe this load of bollocks:

https://www.underberg.com/pages/en/noflash/main/How-When-To-Enjoy.html
 

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