Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by error_unknown, Mar 5, 2005.
The heart of the site is the forum area, including:
OK, it's official:
Perhaps we could rename Valentines day "Flowers and cunnilingus day", should keep her in doors happpy
Just to point out the difference between male and female views of 14 Feb, I recently received this:
THE PERFECT VALENTINE'S DAY - FOR HER
8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday.
8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants - open
presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.
9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil.
10.00 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer.
10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry.
12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe.
12.45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17kg.
1.00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.
4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer.
4.15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle
hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.
5.30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full
7.30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments
received from other diners/dancers.
10.00 Hot shower (alone).
10:50 Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen).
11.00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
11.15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.
THE PERFECT VALENTINE'S DAY - FOR HIM
6.15 Blow job.
6.30 Massive satisfying sh!t while reading the sports section.
7.00 Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by a naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler.
7.30 Limo arrives.
7.45 Several Beers en-route to airport.
9.15 Flight in personal Lear Jet.
9.30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route).
9.45 Play front nine - 2 under.
11.45 Lunch - Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon.
12.15 Blow job.
12.30 Play back nine - 4 under.
2.15 Limo back to the airport (several Bourbons).
2.30 Fly to Cairns.
3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who
also bend over a lot displaying growlers.
4.30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle.
5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending over..
6.45 Sh!t, Shower and Shave.
7.00 Watch news: Michael Jackson found horribly murdered - police have no clues and no inclination to continue with the case..
7.30 Dinner: lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak
followed by Ice-cream served on a big pair of tits.
9.00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you watch match of the day; England beating Wales by 30 points
9.30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies... some bending
11.00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale.
11.30 A night cap blow job.
11.45 In bed alone.
11.50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11.51 Laugh yourself to sleep
You're just a big romantic at heart aren't you, Cuts.
class.... wouldnt do the fishing though
No, you'd be the one giving the blow job, gayboy.
Not enough BJs for my perfect day
They'd be so empty they'd rattle when you walked, Dui.
Dammit the feckin 14th is my birthday bring it on will personal through all my meagre influence behind this superb scheme some political party wants to get this into there manifesto.
Separate names with a comma.