STDs

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Peter_Skellen, Sep 20, 2008.

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  1. May have bagged myself mt first STD. Should I be proud and walk with my head held high or hang me head in shame???

    And please share your stories of your first STD.

    And yes she was a munter and i banged her for the hell of it!
     
  2. Shame you silly cnut. Especially since she was a munter! Go and get it sorted, ASAP.
     
  3. Haha, I got my first STD off of a GWAR....funcking crabs too
     
  4. Drinking and whoring around Germany I bagged it religiously. No matter how drunk or randy, top cover was always deployed.

    The I got myself a girlfriend and after a while we decided to bin the johnnies. Oh how I laughed as I got drippy dicky.

    Apparently lasses can have gonorrhea without knowing. I fecking well knew within 24 hours!

    Pus dripping non-stop out your knob is great. I got through about a dozen pairs of shreddies a day. Got treated at Bielefeld and asked the charming WO2 who had prodded, poked etc if I could carry on shagging. "Sure" he said. "just bag it until the course of pills is up". Thinking back I'm sure he muttered "filthy bastard" under his breath as he made like a Gunner using a long hook thingy instead of a ramrod and my dick instead of a canon.

    So I carry on shagging but bag it like a good boy and take my pills - stopping only to dump the wench who dosed me up. Guess what? I go to the clap doctor on civvie street (whilst on leave) and they take one look and declare I have NSU now. Great. Doctor firmly tells me to use my old fella for nothing more than pissing through until the next course of pills is up.

    Been a good boy ever since. :D
     
  5. Back in the days of olde,[when I just had bumfluff] I trapped off with a girl from Salford, who had the biggest chebs I had ever seen, or touched, for that matter. I think it was a Thursday night. We did the business, woke up in her flat Friday morning. I had to get two buses to get home to get changed for work[I actually passed work on the second bus, but, as I worked as a maintenance fitter, I could'nt go to work in my disco clothes. My Mum gave me aright slapping when I got in]
    Come the weekend I was pissing razor blades, my cock smelt funny[Not funny har har] and was discharging a yellow pus. I had to peel my cock off my shreddies every time I went to the bog. Come Monday morning, I phoned my Doctor up, got an appointment to see him that night after work. I explained my situation to him, and he advised me to go to the local hospital, as it had a clap clinic every Tuesday and Thursday night.
    I went there, they did some tests, shoved a smaller version of a cotton bud down my japs eye [people do that for pleasure nowadays, apparentley]
    Anyway, it turns out I had gonhorrea and chlamidiya. They gave me a shed load of tablets, I had to go back 2 weeks later for some more tablets. Apart from the cotton bud it was pretty painless. The only downside was I could'nt drink for a month.
    Fast forward to about 2002, I am working as a shopfitter, working away from home for a week or two at a time, one of my lads confided that it hurts when he goes for a slash, it smells and he has to peel his old man off hs skids. He cannot get into his Doctors for two weeks as it is not life threatning.Thats if he can get time off work.
    No problem, says I.Been there done that. I phone the local hospital up to book an appointment the at the clap clinic, but its twenty years since I went and since then it's been shut down. They did give me another phone number to ring, but when I rang it he had a THREE week wait.[I know when I was a teenager any hole was a goal, disease or no disease, if I trapped off I was going for it]
    I know I waffled on here, but the point I am trying make, 20-25 years ago, you could more or less get instant treatment for your afflictions.You could phone your Doctor and get an appointment, if not the sameday, then the next day.
    Despite milions, if not billions being spent on the NHS, if you are pissing razor blades, you need immediate medical attention. And it's not happening.
    People wonder why the number of STD's is going up amongst the yoofs of today.
    It's really sad.Perhaps less spent on managers,NGO's and any more hangers on might be benificial
    Edited to add
    Get rid of all the bleeding immigrants as well
     
  6. It only takes a minute to bag it and bin it.

    Not sure which campagne this was oringinally used for, but it gets the point across.
     
  7. Caught a bog standard NSU which manifested itself whilst on exercise at Tregantle Fort.
    Treated by matelots at Devonport.
    The chap who was waiting to go in after me was a submariner who got off with a dirty bint in Plymouth just before deploying on an exercise. Bit of discharge and discomfort, but he didn't bother going sick on the boat and suffered in silence for 4 months.
    He had just had the third operation on his bell end and couldn't stand up straight. Device like a coathanger to keep his dressing gown from touching the sore area. And it still smelled.


    1984 BATUS. Geezer from the battle group gets off with a delightful lady the night before Alamein. Late back, straight to the dustbowl, no shower. Couple of weeks in the field without access to showers etc.

    Comes back with a fungal infection to his ringpiece that required surgery and a short term colostomy bag fitted. Unable to fly for 3 months, so his wife is given some pony story about how he is needed as part of the temporary staff..............
     
  8. Very hot day, washing down tank, thought my bollox were just itchy from sweat, turned out i had crabs. Fecking worse thing was the cream i had to put on after shaving my bolloxs,thought someone had turned a blowtorch on them.
     
  9. brettarider

    brettarider On ROPs

    Had thrush a few times from sticking it in pads wife's and then caught a dose nopt long after I got married shagged a bird at a works do during the week and never made it home had to make up a tale about falling asleep and crashing at a mates. Few days later skin starts peeling off the bellend and a funny smell. Thankfully you can buy caniston over the counter which clears it up after a few days. The ex never found out but I think IE might have given her a dose as well :wink:
    STD's it's all part of growing up :twisted:
     
  10. Well nout as bad as any of that so far, cock aint droping off, doesnt smell, not gunk oozing from my bellend. But gonna get meyself cheked out anyway.

    And get myself a few rubber wellies for next time!
     
  11. Mange tous... she was a lawyer as well, double the shame.
     
  12. Well thats certainly a 100% way of getting a dose. :)
     
  13. Even better, she was an officer cdt...nicely clean shaven too, she must've thought that'd get rid of them

    dozy cow
     
  14. I got penile warts from a large chested WRAC. My nobend looked like a cauliflower was growing out of the side of it.

    I used some varooka stuff on it. Let me tell you, you have never felt pain until you have seen smoke coming off the end of your chap.....
     
  15. brettarider

    brettarider On ROPs

    Had a chef in Duss who went back to do some cse at the school of burning water she gave half the cse warts hohoho bet that took some explaining to their missus :lol: