Anybody know any way to get rid of crabs without going to the doc??  Can I buy a shampoo from boots like kids use for headlice?
To be honest mate, you would be better off going to your Doc or the local GU Clinic .. if you have caught crabs off some one there is a possibilty (small but possible) that you might have caught some thing else with it .. honestly.. go to one of the two as with these things, the sooner it's treated the better.
I believe the shampoo is perscription only.. not totally sure.
Ronsons Lighter fuel and a box of matches.   Just keep your face turned away.  It works but has some side effects.
Another way is to tie cheese wire round your chest, just under your armpits, tie other end to a truck and wait.

No need to worry about crabs any longer ;D
there is still a Gu srevice in Frimley, catterick, Gremany, Bosnia and Northern Ireland
Why are you lot so nasty about crabs ;D, they joined up the same as we did.

So the have easier lives, fly into ops, and indulge all over the world. Have no idea what so ever about stagging on & require stand down days for a sleeping duty  :mad: .

Burn the buggers & whats GU  ???
Similar to QMan's

Shave half the pubic region, and with a lighter in one hand and a tooth pick in the other, set fire to the remaining hair, and stab the buggers with the toothpick when they break cover.

I swear there is some poor sod from the Argylls that still believes it to be true.
I have been reliably informed that flea powder form your local pet shop will sort things.



seriously I aint caught anything else (I wore a jonny bag) it was a stag night gone wrong :-[ I am now newly married but with a dose of crabs!!  :'( Please help real cures only no lighter fluid and matches sketches please :mad:
Go to the GU clinics mentioned in nurse's post above..
ring them to make an appointment.. say to your new wife you have to visit a friend in hospital and then pop in
... By the way if you have had sex with your lovely new wife since your little   ::) "Stagg night mistake" ::) you might of given her more than your wedding vows that night..
There is a chance that even now there is a crabs pubic party having fun on the new Mrs.. so she might be getting suspcious  :'(
Anon.  Go to the GU clinic and get sorted, or try the flea powder remedy, sounds like a good tip, but for fcuk sake do not, and I repeat DO NOT put that Nit shampoo anywhere near your Gonads.

If you have already done so I don't expect we will be hearing any more from you.  RIP.

I have it on reasonable authority that it equates to rubbing Deep Heat on your bell end (and I aint tried that either).
I have, well Algipan at a Rugby do with Junior Leaders many years ago, the memories still haunt me now.
If you post which Garrison your in I will give you details of your local GUM service.

Alternatively go to your local chemist & purchase Malathion 0.5% (Derbac-M/Prioderm/Quellada-M) lotion topically over whole body, except head and neck. Repeated after 24 hrs without bathing.

Launder all kit (not boil wash, normal wash) that’s been on your back since the eventful night, including bedding.

Plus the new wife needs to know, she will only ask questions if you don’t tell her.

You can acquire then from infected bedding, so if you have been on duty & slept in the duty doss bag, there is a potential risk (excuse).

Final note, condoms aren’t 100%, if used correctly they will give about 90%  protection. Chances are if you have acquired 1 infection then you may have acquired another that you are unaware of. In an ideal world you should have a full screen.
Your local chemist sells over the counter lotions to kill off pubic lice, without prescription.  Usual cost is around a fiver.  Only problem is, having the confidence to go in and ask !!   Have a feeling you'll have to tell the misses though, as the lice (or crabs) do like to hop around in the course of hot, sweaty occasions (I.E. seeeex !!), so she'll need to use the lotion too.  If she has pubic lice, she may not actually know she has any.  Good way to tell is look in the toilet after her use.  If she has contracted 'crabs', you'll see very, very tiny spots on the toilet walls (blood and crab shit) which has dropped off.  If this is the case, you can always make a story up, say, shared a sleeping bag with a dirty basta*d on exercise, or borrowed someone else's keks, etc, and .......... good luck !!
Shave the pubic area, and then douse said area liberally with petrol, do not smoke for a few hours (if you do that is).

This method worked a treat for a mate of mine, he did mention that it stings a bit though!

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