Stars in Their Eyes.

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by Monty417, Oct 18, 2011.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Stars in Their Eyes.

    When this show was around and Mathew Kelly was the presenter, a guy on crutches came onto the stage and introduced himself as Simon from Norfolk.

    Kelly said to him "Tell the audience a little about yourself Simon."

    "Well a couple of years ago I lost the bottom part of my body in a tractor accident and it was touch and go for me, but they managed to save me."

    Kelly said "Wow! that was terrible, but I see that you are now on crutches, how is that possible?"

    Simon answered "My uncle Sam, bless him, died of a heart attack at only 42 and a team of specialist surgeons performed a miracle by attaching my uncles lower body part to me and soon I'll be able to walk without the crutches."

    After a standing ovation from the audience, many of them in tears, Kelly shook Simon's hand, put his arm around his shoulders and said "A fantastic and amazing story there Simon...and who are you going to be tonight?"

    "Tonight Mathew..I'm going to be......Simon and Half uncle!"
  2. oh FFS...... :eek:)
  3. Wasn't Kelly arrested by Surrey Police over allegations that he sexually abused teenage boys?
  4. He was. Perhaps I should have mentioned that Simon was over sixteen.. :roll:
  5. Well his arse was anyway!
    • Like Like x 1
  6. And released without charge?
  7. My Uncle was stars in there eyes as Glen Miller, never saw him again when he stepped into the fog...
  8. his uncle's arse surely!!