Stars in Their Eyes on BFBS

B

Biscuits_AB

Guest
#1
In between f*cking about on here and a bit of graft about the quarter, I've been watching Stars In Their Eyes on BFBS. What drives these c*nts to do it?
Most of them are sh*t. There's just been another Elvis impersonator on........for f*ck sakes, how many Elvis impersonators are there?

If I was running that show, it would a whole different ball game. I'd have people with Turets Syndrome on it......."We're caught in a trap....C*nt, bollox, huge tits......I can't walk out.........f*ck, cock, tits.........because I love you too much Baby......tits , arrse, blow job..."

Or people in wheel chairs pretending that they are Pans People or Hot Gossip.

People who can see, pretending that they're Stevie Wonder!!!
 
#2
Just watched it mate. It has driven me to drink as I'm half way through a bottle of Gin.

BFBS programmers should hang their heads in shame due to the amount of shiite they air. Incidentely, I visited an SSVC / BFBS studio a few years back near Beconsfield and sniffed the very chair that an ex Gladiator bird had presented a show from. Very musky with a hint of man protein, so it may in fact have been the fat blonde fella - Hunter?
 
#3
:lol: .......or people with alzheimers who come out and forget the lyrics - again.......or people with progeria who come out aged 23 to sing a 4 minute song and go back to the dressing-room 8 years older......or blind people who come out and fall over the set that wasn't there when they did the rehearsals that morning..........or.... :twisted:
 
#4
......or a pathalogical liar who says 'tonight Cat, I'm going to be Roy Orbison' and then reappears dressed as Elton John......or a really insecure person who reappears with his mum and dad.......
 
B

Biscuits_AB

Guest
#5
Dancing lepers.

Fat lasses pretending that they are Kylie.

People with cleft palets singing opera.
 
#8
I have always wanted to go on Stars Up Their Arrse - I am ideally qualified as I can't sing for shite.

After dropping a few hints in the chat to Matthew (I am not a Fiddy Kiddler, but look like one) Kelly about being an early 70s star from Wimbledon with a keen interest in environmental issues out through the mist covered doors I will come in full Womble regalia to give a stirring rendition of 'Remember You're A Womble'.

It's got to be better than another Elvis or Frank Sinatra.
 
#9
Fück, I can't stop....

A compulsive gambler - 'Tonight Cat, I'm going to be Dean Martin but not until I've put a tenner on the 4 dog'

A National Front member who comes out and refuses to sing "as long as there are sooties in the audience"

A chav, grudgingly... But of course one who can't hear what Cat is saying because he's still listening to the I-Pod he just nicked out of someone elses dressing room

A STOMA patient - Promises the producer that he won't have the colostomy bag fitted during the performance. He comes out as 50 cent giving it some from the off. " You aint never heard a sound like this before
Cause I aint never put it down like this before
Soon as I come through the door, she get to pulling on my zipper..." The audience is going wild as one of the dancers simulates flaying the shirt from his body "It's like it's a race who can get undressed quicker" The shirt falls off.... and there is the bag, half-full and swinging heavily with the beat.. Director - "Ok people, lets cut it there....."

edited to add a bit
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#10
Tonight Matthew - I am going to be pished.
 
B

Biscuits_AB

Guest
#11
Tonight Cat...I'm going to be.........a rapist.

Tonight Cat...........you're my hostage.

Tonight Cat......I'm going to .........kill you.

Tonight Cat, I'm going to be...........The Pope.

Tonight Cat............I'm going to be.......Aw f*ck it, I've had 8 lagers and 4 Vodka and Red Bulls and I've just pished myself.

Tonight Cat........have you seen a c*ck this size before?
 
#15
Tonight mathew im going to be Michael Jackson and afterwards me and you can tag team junior stars in your eyes. Heee Heeee, shamoan mother fcuker
 
#16
Death row guy - Comes onto the stage, seems okay initially but halfway through his 'Tonight Cat, I'm going to be......' he whips out a shank, stabs Cat 45 times, checks to see that there is no pulse and then gets his brown wings.
 
#18
Tonight Mathew i'm going to be Buddy Holly................................ Spends the rest of the show lying in a bloody mess in a field with a propelor sticking out of his head. I'd pay to see that.
 
#19
Even better. Tonight mathew i'm going to be.............................the Big Bopper..................................Spends the rest of the show lying in a bloody mess in a field with a Buddy Holly sticking out of his head.
 
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