Stalker Poetry

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Moodybitch, Mar 24, 2005.

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  1. Ok, With reference to my earlier thread, I have just been discussing the card that was put through my letterbox from my, er, admirer.

    It was one of those really long, soppy verse cards which went along the lines of everyone in the world needs someone to love etc etc.

    I feel this person deserves a response so am setting arrse members the task of coming up with verses to put as a reply to his unwanted advances.......
  2. Why Oh Why don't you...............
    Just F*ck off
    • Like Like x 1
  3. was that a reference to me...or some poetry?

  4. I want you to understand,
    You're unique amongst all men,
    'Cos I'm going to cut your nads off,
    If you bother me again

    How's that then? Right message?
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Why oh Why do you fancy me
    I smell of twiglets and stale dog wee
    Ive got yellow fingers and my fannies all battered
    for all your affection I really am flattered

    Pray leave me alone and do let me be
    Or I'll run you over in my golden capri
    I don't need no loving from a dullard from Preston
    I crave burns victim loving from Simon Weston
    • Like Like x 1
  6. When I think of you, and your piercing eyes
    my pussy juice begins to run down my thighs

    Like Sue Barker dreaming of Ally Mcoist my fanny becomes so very warm and moist

    I want you so bad that I begin to shake
    at the thought of the wondeful love we will make

    Meet me soon in secret my dear
    and I will let take me up my rear

    Theres just one little task I ask of thee
    before I let you enter me

    Come play with me naked outside in the rain
    and let me push you under the nearest train

    Best I can do at short notice :D
  7. Who the ferk put that picture there???? :evil:
  8. You've stalked and lingered and pestered too
    But now the law's caught up with you,
    But twenty years will fly like hours.
    Just be careful in the showers.
  9. Haiku :lol:
  10. Bless you! Would you like a Kleenex?
  11. Words cannot describe
    The reasons why you make me cry

    It could be your face
    That looks like a plaice

    It could be your smile
    I think it looks like bile

    May be your odour
    Have you tried Baking Soda?

    I know what it is
    I've been in such a dizz

    I like you,
    Am missing a screw

    Stalk me again
    And i have to say

    I'll ripe your f***ing head off, Shi'ite down your wind pipe, chop your body in to small pieces, feed them to my pet Staffy Bull Terrier called Flossy, scoop up all the shi'ite and post it to your parents.

    Who in turn I will torture to death with a stanley knife and an iron.

    I Love you,

    Txt me?


    Hows that? Im filling up right now, very touching.......
  12. I've played hard to get,

    And enjoyed the hunt,

    But never with you,

    You sad fcuking cnut.

    • Like Like x 1
  13. Roses are red, violets are blue,
    count all the ASBOs I have out on you.
  14. A mad axeman will visit your caravan today
    murder in mind and intention to slay
    he'll cut of your tits and remove all your skin
    With an arse like yours where will he begin

    Pin you down and molest you
    then coat you in jism
    memories to tug over
    when he's in prison

    scarred for life the memories will linger
    right up your claypit his nobbly finger
    He's a cleft palleted mong with a limp and a stammer
    but he'll still fcuk you over with his shiney new hammer
    • Like Like x 2
  15. MDN, pure fecking genius :twisted:

    Your wasted in the mob