Stabbing of burglars to be made legal

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by big_red, Jun 29, 2011.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I think you should be allowed to use a knife to defend your property, self and family.

    Something like using the knife to inscribe "I burgled xxx's house and all I got was this lousy disfigurement" on his forehead. That is both protection of you and yours and also a crime preventative measure to help our overstretched police service. Other burglars will know what a bad idea it is to go near your house, so you'd probably only have to do it the once anyway.
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Excellent news! Anyone know if this will apply in scotland? And how much bear traps are on ebay? :)
  3. It's already the law, he's just grandstanding. The contentious bit is how the police treat people when it happens, which Clarke can't affect by statute, as it's rightly an issue for the police.

    Some don't like the approach they take, some think it's about right.
  4. How big can the knife be? I have a Sword Collection and any burglar robbing my house will end up looking like this...

    Attached Files:

    • Like Like x 3
  5. I've got a Siebe Gorman hard hat divers knife in the bedroom… proper shiv is that, think Roman Gladius and razor sharp.
  6. Will this be extended to Turd Burglars?
  7. Will this mean the chavy twat will have to be in your house when you stab him or can you stab any thieving pikey you happen to walk past?
  8. I'm probably going to favour my 1856 Pioneer Sawback.

    Attached Files:

  9. They have to be in the house, tempt them in with a paper trail of Elizabeth Duke Jewelry and KFC Buckets.
  10. Like it! Saw his todge off and choke him with them then saw/cut as desired his head off.

    Quality weapon.
  11. My friend, who is bigger than me....LOTS bigger, was woken by a noise in her house. Thinking her cat had got locked in the dining room she tootled off downstairs...wearing nothing but pink fluffy bedsocks (cold feet) to release the beastie!

    As she rounded the dog-leg on her stairs, she came face to face with a spotty youth aged about 17 she thinks, coming up the other way.

    At this point, she says, it's debatable which of them screamed the loudest! Her, in shock at a man coming towards her at 4am...or him seeing what amounted to a pink wobbly mountain heading straight for him.

    By the time she'd legged it back upstairs to grab her dressing gown and ring the rozzers, he'd legged it! Last seen rocking in a bus stop, sucking his thumb and muttering about blancmange monsters!

    Now my question is.....would the use of her ,frankly abominable (and coming from me, you must understand just how bad it was), nakedness be construed by the courts as 'use of excessive force' given she caused the perpetrator what can only be described as permanent visual and mental anguish??
    • Like Like x 1
  12. What's the score when I pull out my Beretta and give him both barrels?
  13. It could all go wrong if, by chance he was a feeder too. His little outing for a spot of simple burglary could turn into rape.

    Although the fattie wouldn't resist much. Lardies are greatful for whatever they get
  14. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    ''So Mr Ravers, can you explain exactly the events leading up to the ambulance being called to your house?''

    ''Why yes officer, I happened to be whittling up some wood in my bedroom, using my new Stihl chainsaw, it's very relaxing, I find it helps me get to sleep. After I'd finished whittling, I laid down my tools next to my bed and got some shut eye. A few hours later I heard a strange noise downstairs. Anyway I decided to see what all the fuss was about and got up to investigate. To save time, I took the chainsaw with me, it lives in the sh*d you see and I thought since I was going downstairs anyway, I'd kill two birds with one stone and put it away. To my surprise there were two young lads in my lounge removing my TV. They must have come in through my front door, which I always leave open, Brixton is a nice area and no one expects to be burgled here. Fearing for my life, I had little choice but to start up the Stihl and carry out some major fucking surgery on their heads. You must remember I was shivering with fear at this point, I'm sure one of them might have been carrying some sort of small screwdriver or other lethal weapon. To make sure that there was absolutely no danger to myself, I thought it only right to cut off their bollocks and stuff them into their mouths after I'd finished fucking up their faces. Given the circumstances, I don't feel that I could have taken any other course of action which wouldn't have resulted in me being injured or worse. Do you have the number for victim support? I'm feeling pretty traumatised about all this, I fucking love that telly.''
    • Like Like x 4