St Valentines Day ... a special gift planned?

What will you do for Valentines Day?

  • Sod all

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Usual flowers and chocolates

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    0
#1
Chaps & Chapettes.

It’s Valentines Day on Thursday! The day for treating a loved one to that special gift to proclaim your undying love and hopefully lead to some sexual debauchery!

But what are we doing on the great day of love? What gift ideas do we have? What if things are a bit tight and we can’t afford that special gift? Here are a couple of ideas I have for an inexpensive gift or two for the one you love:

Go to the recycling area of your local superstore. Usually you will find a container for charity clothing donations. Have a quick rummage through and you can be guaranteed to find some reasonably attractive lingerie. Simply take it home, give it a dhobi and gift wrap.

Whilst at the recycling area also check out the green bottle bank. A quick search will usually produce an empty champagne bottle. Buy a bottle of £2.99 Cava at the supermarket and decant it into the champagne bottle, re-cork and present it to your loved one as expensive champagne.

My next idea takes a little planning. Find a pedestrian crossing on a busy road close to where old folk live. Wait for one of the slower old duffers to arrive at the crossing and offer to help them across. Choose a moment when there is fast moving traffic and shepherd them onto the crossing being sure to jump back yourself. A car is sure to knock the old codger over and most likely result in a fatality. Simply nip back later in the evening and claim your free floral tributes which will have been conveniently tied to the railings by sympathetic local residents.

So, what other ideas do we have? Are you just going to indulge your partner in some good old fashioned sexual deviancy? Is it out to the local bistro for a spot of tucker? Or that new gerbil claw clipper and shaving kit that he has craved for so long?

K13
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#2
Tell your loved one that you have ordered them an expensive item over the net but it has not been delivered yet. Keep up the pretence for a couple of weeks, saying that you have contacted the company but they are stalling you. When it's pay day get her a cheap token gift as an apology for the company not delivering.
 

Alsacien

MIA
Moderator
#5
k13eod said:
Chaps & Chapettes.

It’s Valentines Day on Thursday! The day for treating a loved one to that special gift to proclaim your undying love and hopefully lead to some sexual debauchery!

But what are we doing on the great day of love? What gift ideas do we have? What if things are a bit tight and we can’t afford that special gift? Here are a couple of ideas I have for an inexpensive gift or two for the one you love:

Go to the recycling area of your local superstore. Usually you will find a container for charity clothing donations. Have a quick rummage through and you can be guaranteed to find some reasonably attractive lingerie. Simply take it home, give it a dhobi and gift wrap.

Whilst at the recycling area also check out the green bottle bank. A quick search will usually produce an empty champagne bottle. Buy a bottle of £2.99 Cava at the supermarket and decant it into the champagne bottle, re-cork and present it to your loved one as expensive champagne.

My next idea takes a little planning. Find a pedestrian crossing on a busy road close to where old folk live. Wait for one of the slower old duffers to arrive at the crossing and offer to help them across. Choose a moment when there is fast moving traffic and shepherd them onto the crossing being sure to jump back yourself. A car is sure to knock the old codger over and most likely result in a fatality. Simply nip back later in the evening and claim your free floral tributes which will have been conveniently tied to the railings by sympathetic local residents.

So, what other ideas do we have? Are you just going to indulge your partner in some good old fashioned sexual deviancy? Is it out to the local bistro for a spot of tucker? Or that new gerbil claw clipper and shaving kit that he has craved for so long?

K13
All sounds like too much trouble to me.
I'm off down the shooting club for Thursday training, as usual - the dinner better be ready when I get back, as usual.

Its just commercialism again once married, before at least it offered an opportunity to shark in on some bint you had been stalking from a distance.
 
#6
Mr_Deputy said:
That's Thursday sorted. Thanks.

Its FIZZ, FOOD and FCKING for me this year.

We've gone down the route of a cosy night (some wine and food etc) in two bits of naughty u'wear (for her not me) one black and one white depending on how naughty she feels.
Thank fck we aren't going out - as last time we shelled out over £100 for a blddy fancy CURRY - the Bangledeshi staff couldnt wait a table if their lives depended on it. I had to get all our extras and do our coats etc, luckily I was half cut and very cheerful - they were always hiding in the kitchen - then they had the cheek to give some sob story about missing their families back home! Yesss perhaps we can talk about that some other night I though. Not doing that again. Restaurants can be such a rip off on Val Night.
Hope you didn't leave a tip? :roll:
 
#8
Graveyard is always good for flowers, thursdays a good day too for burials, best chance of getting a big fcuker. Also, if you've got kids you can get those ones that say MUMMY in daisies or whatever.

Alternatively, do what I do. Exchange one set of building warrant drawings for one long weekend stay in rich client's country riverside cottage.
 
#9
To save on th expense of buying peep through bra and crotchless undergarments for the lady in your life, just cut an old pair with some sissors and rap up in an old newspaper, bound to get you laid on thursday.


Stilts
 
#10
k13eod said:
My next idea takes a little planning. Find a pedestrian crossing on a busy road close to where old folk live. Wait for one of the slower old duffers to arrive at the crossing and offer to help them across. Choose a moment when there is fast moving traffic and shepherd them onto the crossing being sure to jump back yourself. A car is sure to knock the old codger over and most likely result in a fatality. Simply nip back later in the evening and claim your free floral tributes which will have been conveniently tied to the railings by sympathetic local residents.

So, what other ideas do we have? Are you just going to indulge your partner in some good old fashioned sexual deviancy? Is it out to the local bistro for a spot of tucker? Or that new gerbil claw clipper and shaving kit that he has craved for so long?

K13

A visit to the cemetery is a lot quicker, make sure you remove the card. "Lillies morbid? not at all my love. They're slim and elegent just like you" Jobs a good 'un.
 
#11
arby said:
Graveyard is always good for flowers, thursdays a good day too for burials, best chance of getting a big fcuker. Also, if you've got kids you can get those ones that say MUMMY in daisies or whatever.

Alternatively, do what I do. Exchange one set of building warrant drawings for one long weekend stay in rich client's country riverside cottage.
Arby, I used to rely on graveyards for my floral requirements but these days so many of the inconsiderate mourning opt for wreaths it's too much hard work stripping it down into a bouquet ... ok for a Christmas door decoration though!

You want dropping off at one of your rich clients country riverside cottages in my new XF ... when I get it!

:D
 
#12
Just give her enough sleepingpills to sleep thru to friday......sorted!
 

Alsacien

MIA
Moderator
#13
k13eod said:
arby said:
Graveyard is always good for flowers, thursdays a good day too for burials, best chance of getting a big fcuker. Also, if you've got kids you can get those ones that say MUMMY in daisies or whatever.

Alternatively, do what I do. Exchange one set of building warrant drawings for one long weekend stay in rich client's country riverside cottage.
Arby, I used to rely on graveyards for my floral requirements but these days so many of the inconsiderate mourning opt for wreaths it's too much hard work stripping it down into a bouquet ... ok for a Christmas door decoration though!

You want dropping off at one of your rich clients country riverside cottages in my new XF ... when I get it!
:D
If you are having problems with late delivery, just go to the dealer and put your foot down......

Lets see how they role play that one on their next customer relationship course :twisted:
 
#14
Get on my site, we have a good selection :)
 
#15
Alsacien said:
k13eod said:
arby said:
Graveyard is always good for flowers, thursdays a good day too for burials, best chance of getting a big fcuker. Also, if you've got kids you can get those ones that say MUMMY in daisies or whatever.

Alternatively, do what I do. Exchange one set of building warrant drawings for one long weekend stay in rich client's country riverside cottage.
Arby, I used to rely on graveyards for my floral requirements but these days so many of the inconsiderate mourning opt for wreaths it's too much hard work stripping it down into a bouquet ... ok for a Christmas door decoration though!

You want dropping off at one of your rich clients country riverside cottages in my new XF ... when I get it!
:D
If you are having problems with late delivery, just go to the dealer and put your foot down......

Lets see how they role play that one on their next customer relationship course :twisted:
Prepares to chortle ... chortle stops ... carrying out chortle stoppage drill ... :evil:
 
#16
In 5 years with the ex I never got a single card or present. He used to tell me to make my own cards, birthday & christmas included.

I sure know how to pick them!!
 
#17
girliebiker said:
In 5 years with the ex I never got a single card or present. He used to tell me to make my own cards, birthday & christmas included.

I sure know how to pick them!!
Should have put out a bit more regularly then :)
 
#18
k13eod said:
arby said:
Graveyard is always good for flowers, thursdays a good day too for burials, best chance of getting a big fcuker. Also, if you've got kids you can get those ones that say MUMMY in daisies or whatever.

Alternatively, do what I do. Exchange one set of building warrant drawings for one long weekend stay in rich client's country riverside cottage.
Arby, I used to rely on graveyards for my floral requirements but these days so many of the inconsiderate mourning opt for wreaths it's too much hard work stripping it down into a bouquet ... ok for a Christmas door decoration though!

You want dropping off at one of your rich clients country riverside cottages in my new XF ... when I get it!

:D
you ordered one? PM inbound.

PM mostly full of insults/swearwords/jealous ramblings and references to power loss, poor build quality and other such bollox.
 
#19
girliebiker said:
In 5 years with the ex I never got a single card or present. He used to tell me to make my own cards, birthday & christmas included.

I sure know how to pick them!!
sounds like a nice guy. I'd have shagged your sister.
 
#20
I wish!! he worked for a formula 1 team, did everything at high speed and was hardly every in the country!

Duracell did (and still do now I'm single) a roaring trade!!
 
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