Outstanding, perhaps nobody has told you and you have not picked this up in the other press outlets, but the News of the World have gone out of business and are not hiring. Stop trying to show them what a good investigative journalist you are!
The "COMM" bit stands for "Chalice of Mary Magdelene" which is otherwise known as the Arc of the Covenant, or the Holy Grail. "ARC" refers to Joan of Arc. Nobody but the select few know that she was in fact the guardian of the Holy Grail during her lifetime. Sarah-Jane is a code name, used by a shadowy organisation belonging to the inner sanctum of the Catholic Church, answerable only to the Pope.
Oh, is that the time? I must go off to bed. I'm reading a most excellent factual book by Dan Brown, the famous theological historian, and can't wait to get stuck into chapter 12.
One of our team leaders has what looks like a squirrel in a cage. It is about a third of the size of a UK squirrel and its tail isn't as bushy.
I felt sorry for it so I fed it some 60 proof Laos vodka. The bloody thing has a tongue over an inch long and it slurped the vodka like a Saturday night chavette.
After consuming about a bottle cap full of the Laos rocket fuel it started to do the most amazing gymnastics in its cage. The display went on for about 20 minutes before it subsided and curled up quivering in the bottom of its cage.
It woke up again a few hours later and proceed to shit all over its cage. Bad tempered bugger, it tried to bite my fingers when I offered it some more rocket fuel.