BBC News - Guide to stop squatters published online Reading the news story above reminded me of a strange experience I had in my younger days living in Scotland with an unwanted houseguest! After an all-day session in the local pub watching the 6nations and winding various pals up about their respective teams my best mate and i decided to retire briefly to her pad to get dressed to head into town later that night. On arriving nothing seemed unusual, the door was locked as it should have been and inside we tipsily traipsed. We sat in the living room loudily chatting and listening to music as we got a bite to eat and then my pal decided to go to her bedroom in the adjoining room to get changed. It was at this point the shrieking and screaming like a banshee happened...and fearing my pal was being murdered or something i leapt up to see what the f**k was going on. There, calm as you like asleep in her bed was a strange, fully clothed (complete with pink parasol) chinese man! ( at least we guessed he was chinese, he never spoke). All my friend could do was scream at him and I, though in a state of confusion and bewilderment, was attempting to cross examine him on his identity and why he was there. All the while he ignored us, showed no emotion or reaction and slowly calmly got up and climbed out the window (presumably how he got in in the first place according to the rozzers). And poof! He was gone! Now perhaps he wasn't a proper squatter given he didn't barricade the doors shut or try to keep us out at all or stay for very long but I have kicked myself many times after the incident thinking about what I should have done upon finding this bloke. With the benefit of hindsight I would probably have tried to handcuff him (yes I happened to know there were some in a drawer in that room) to something before he had the chance to make good his escape and then I would have used him as my own personal torture guinea pig - waterboarding, tickling his feet with a feather, making him listen to westlife or forcing him to watch xfactor...anything to get the f*cker to tell me who he was and to think twice about taking random naps in random peoples houses! Before eventually, when I felt he'd had sufficient doses of my own justice calling in the polizei and denying any accusation the chinese man might have made against me (come on, he was carrying a pink parasol, he's clearly bananas so they wouldn't believe him ) Does anyone have any better ideas though? If you managed to corner an intruder and could, what fun would you have with them?