A mate of my wifes brought her new boyfriend over for dinner on Saturday night. I'd spoken to her earlier in the week and she'd put my back up a bit. The conversation went: "Oh you'll like him Convoy, he used to be in the Army." "Nice one, what was he in?" "The Gordon Highlanders for about 6 years" "He'll have a few stories to tell then." "Oh, no. He's not like that. He's really civilised." "What, in comparsion to me?" "Well, you know what I mean. Your always telling stories about horrible things. I don't think Richard was into any of that sort of stuff" I let it go, but thought to myself, 'Yeah, course he fcuking wasn't' When they got round at about 8, he was obviously dead eager to impress. My wifes her best mate and he'd already played a blinder at the parents and other family's houses. I weighed him up for a bit. He was a spot on bloke, does a load of work out in Iraq, cleaning up chemical spills and that. I could sense that he was holding back though. After an hour or so, I started chucking in the skiffing anecdotes. As Fiona turned her nose up, he was getting all uncomfortable. "I bet you fcukers were always at it, eh Richard?" Fionas giving him the dead eye. He hesitated for a few seconds, but he couldn't cope with the idea of looking like a knob in front of an ex-signals bloke. Takes a big swig of wine and says "Too fcuking right. When you've got a kilt on, your in skiff heaven." That was it for the rest of the evening. He was telling some right toe curlers. Getting his teeth knocked out by a half-brick outside Fort Whiterock; Scrapping in Berlin nightclubs. Fiona just sat there for the rest of the evening wondering who she'd arrived with. The silver tongued cavalier who'd talked her out of her knickers two months before had turned into 8-ace. By the end of the evening I even had him doing pi-ssed-up-pull-ups in the garage. We even managed to squeeze in a bit of bezzering while they were waiting for the cab. Belting!! Has anyone else ever tried to behave like a proper person, only to have it all come crashing down around your ears?