I was talking to a mate of mine who works for Red Productions in Manchester last night. I was trying to persuade him of the value of replacing all soap and comedy scriptwriters with ex or serving squaddies. Wouldn't it be fcuking great? I'd love a crack at that fcuking 'comedy' My Family. They've got it too bleeding easy, Robert Lindsay and Zoe Wannamaker. Their always pulling their hair out because their tall tw*t of a son gives 'em the occasional bit of articulate lip. I'd quickly introduce another character to liven things up a bit. He'd be another son, but called Smudge or Dinger. Instead of indulging in witty repartee with his dentist father, he'd simply come home on leave and start sh*tting in wardrobes. Any backchat from the posh lad would result in some severe frying-pan-to-swede action. The Squaddifying of primetime TV would be a truly wonderful thing. Anyone else got any ideas? The only programme that I can think of that wouldn't benefit from our touch would be "Sharpe."