Squaddie phrases

#1
Anyone know any funny squaddie phrases?
My two personal favourites are as follows:

Monkey Bath A bath where the water is so hot, that when you lower your @rse in, it makes you say "ooh, ooh, ooh, aahh, aahh, ahhh!"

W@nk seance The eerie feeling one gets whilst masturbating, that one's dead relatives are looking on in disgust.
 
#5
Kolya said:
The second one actually did put me off any unholy thoughts in the days after my nan died :?
Me to especially as she was one of the w@nking will make you go blind adherents, I swear to god i struggled to read number plates at the very thought of a ham shank.

Zippy483
 
#6
Kolya said:
The second one actually did put me off any unholy thoughts in the days after my nan died :?
did you not hear this ghostly voice ? "Here let me finish you off" :lol:
 
#7
Just a tip, if you are put off having a hand shandy by thoughts of your dead grandmother, just imagine her nude and keep on going.
 
#10
I heard one that tickled me on PT...''Fcuk me im sweating like a para on a spelling test''
 
#12
happyhammer said:
I heard one that tickled me on PT...''Fcuk me im sweating like a para on a spelling test''
:lol: :lol: :cry: :lol: :wink:

I like that one!!!
 
#14
zippy483 said:
Kolya said:
The second one actually did put me off any unholy thoughts in the days after my nan died :?
Me to especially as she was one of the w@nking will make you go blind adherents, I swear to god i struggled to read number plates at the very thought of a ham shank.

Zippy483
I had a w@nk the day of my grans funeral, felt a wee bit bad about it but it didn't put me off. Does that make me a sick b@stard?
 
#15
happyhammer said:
I heard one that tickled me on PT...''Fcuk me im sweating like a para on a spelling test''
my mate heard some RSM on parade call this sprog "sig xxxx you are a double crease on the lightweights of humanity". Fcukin awsome!
 
#17
Rossi said:
zippy483 said:
Kolya said:
The second one actually did put me off any unholy thoughts in the days after my nan died :?
Me to especially as she was one of the w@nking will make you go blind adherents, I swear to god i struggled to read number plates at the very thought of a ham shank.

Zippy483
I had a w@nk the day of my grans funeral, felt a wee bit bad about it but it didn't put me off. Does that make me a sick b@stard?
Erm.....
Yes.

Although I onced kissed my auntie at a funeral, and she slipped me the tongue.
 
#18
Yep Snitcha, my grandad had a skill like that. Wherever he was in the room, he was still able to get his hand between the seat and my little sister's arrse before she sat down. Dirty fücker. Old people are fools to themselves though. Why, oh why do grannies insist on either giving or getting a kiss whenever you go to visit. They always smell faintly of toilet and kissing them is like shoving your face into a balloon half-full with warm lumpy custard
 
#19
I always liked "They look like a bunch of catholics round an O'level". (Or any other Racially stereo-typical minority).
 
#20
Ah fine scouse WO1 Tp commander at blandford was famous for such comments. One of my favourite was

"Sig ********* are you some kind of Ugandan potatoe farmer"

When the rather bemused siggy replied "No Sir" the WO1 then screamed "Then why are your boots coverd in shit, GET OFF MY SQUARE"

Laughed my tits off till he got to me and asked if my name tag had been sewn on with a JCB.
 

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