Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by R an R, Sep 25, 2006.
The heart of the site is the forum area, including:
Sonds a bit septic to me. Heart's in the right place though
Far too American and nonsensical. It should simply read
OTHER FRIENDS - Will care for you in many ways and remain steadfast
MILITARY FRIENDS - Will wipe their arrse on your duvet cover as soon as your fcuking back is turned. If you've still not turned round they'll milk a bit of NSU juice on to your pillow. Fcuking hell, you still haven't turned round!! Right, they'll get in the bollocky and drag themselves up and down your bed making sure to scrape their ricker like a dog with worms. Oooh hang on, your turning round? Just in time to receive a full panel in the grid with a GS shovel, that makes his arms sing like a fcuking tuning fork.
OTHER FRIENDS Will tell you that you are spending too much
Military Friends - Will tell you to stop being a poof and to buy the huge stereo from the NAAFI, despite the exstortionate repayment costs and the fact that you are already in debt. They will also be good enough to buy said stez off you 2 months later for the princely sum of 10 quid, so that you can go on the lash.
OTHER FRIENDS- Will congratulate you if you pick up a tasty bird
MILITARY FRIENDS- Will wait until you go to the bogs, then tell her that you are a convicted pederast/s0domite. Then they will take her back to their basher and bury their junk in her ring piece. The following morning they will show you photos of their glistening crank emerging from her still dilated hoop.
OTHER FRIENDS: Will cringe at your jokes about bum raping kids/oldwomen/corpses
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will still be hanging out of the kid/oldwoman/corpse whilst you are telling your other friends.
OTHER FRIENDS: Will turn a bit gay and settle down and buy a cat
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will burn your friends house down and eat his cat
OTHER FRIENDS - When petty figures of authority cramp your style, other friends will commiserate with you and tut a bit.
MILITARY FRIENDS - When petty figures of authority cramp your style like that cu-nt at the tank washdown, military friends, will grab the fcuker, encase him in a hastily built cage comprised of pallets and zip ties, then hose him down with their wangers until he apologises for arrsing you about.
OTHER FRIENDS - When your girlfried dumps you, other friends will put an arm round you and say their sorry
MILITARY FRIENDS - When your girlfriend dumps you, military friends will put an arm round you and try to swipe the fcuking letter out of your top pocket, in the hope that now she's fcuked you off, her fa-nny is for hire.
OTHER FRIENDS- Will, after a night out and setting off fire extinguishers take the rap with you due to the mutual stupidity by all parties.
MILITARY FRIENDS- Will, after a night on the lash, set off all the extinguishers in the block. Then laugh their knackers off a few days later, whilst sauntering past RHQ and hearing "PRISONER MARK TIMAH!!!" Swiftly followed by your feet hitting the deck with such speed, it resembles early 90s aggressive Dutch techno.
OTHER FRIENDS- On hearing that a member a close circle of pals has passed away, they respectfully organise a funeral and ensure the most respectable member says something fitting and tear inducing.
MILITARY FRIENDS- On hearing that a member a close circle of pals has passed away get on the blower from all corners of theplanet, in an effort to get home for an inpromptu p1ss up, they will giggle but look professional when struggling with the box, and say 'cnut', and 'oof fcuk you fat b@stard' under thier breath. They will try and trap with the widow, sisters mum and aunties of the dead bloke. They will scoff all the buffet, drink the bar dry and stay in a corner miles away from everyone else getting louder and louder with every pint poured. The father will come over the thank them for coming, one will get him in a head lock while the others take it in turns to lick his head and calling naked bar
thats about right fella.
OTHER FRIENDS- When they give you a lift back to your parents place, will sit politely with a cup of tea and a studiously neutral expression while your Mum regales them with tales of how you didn't stop wetting the bed until you were 12.
MILITARY FRIENDS- When they give a lift back to your parents place, will sit politely with a cup of tea and a horribly animated leer while your mum regales them with tales of how you didn't stop wetting the bed until you were 12, and then promptly black cat her with tales showing that you are in fact still swamping and sh*tting the pit at the age of 24, and give a few choice dits to illustrate the point, usually involving whores.
After going upstairs to the sh*tter, he will rummage the medicine cabinet and your mum's knicks draw and dhobey basket. Back in the living room, every time mummsy is looking away from him, he will tease her pants out of his pocket to show you the skid marks, while gurning mutely behind her back and making gestures suggestive of masturbation.
ill be pissed off if they dont when its my turn!
Separate names with a comma.