Squaddie Logic

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by The13thDukeOfWybourne, Sep 30, 2008.

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  1. This was an email doing the rounds this morning:

    1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

    2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

    3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

    4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

    5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

    6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

    7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

    8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

    9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.


    DAILY THOUGHT:

    SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS
     
  2. Done to death.....a zillion trillion times before :)
     
  3. Funny really our old friend Louie the sturgeon general used to have this mantra:

    "If it's external use whitfields if it's internal use aspirin".

    So as you can see after that approach to therapeutic remedies it's no wonder at all he got rid of all our hospitals.
     
  4. My personal favourite

    If it moves fook it, if it doesnt move, push it and fook it.
     
  5. You exaggerate
     
  6. Since I only got out of bed half an hour ago, i could have done with someone telling me the mousetrap idea yesterday!!
     
  7. Lazy mare - can you get me a mouse trap when you go to the shops please? :oops:
     
  8. I dunno... "Squaddie" and "Logic" in the same sentence... 8O
     
  9. I dunno, it seems to go together quite well, a bit like 'RAF' and 'shite' really. ;)
     
  10. That would be like "RAF Regiment" and "Elite" then... :D
     
  11. Shouldn't that be Crab and Crap?
     
  12. Personality of a Rock and and IQ of an Ape.

    This may be reveresed if required..............
     
  13. You know me????
     
  14. Bulk order?