Squaddie Humour

Been reading Spike Milligan's account of his time as a Gunner in WWII in North Africa. Squaddie humour shines through.

At an Army show:-

"On stage an Army PT instructor was doing a series of hand stands, leaps and somersaults the conclusion of each trick was standing to attention and saluting. "You don't salute without yer 'at on, c**t" said a voice from the Kahki rabble."

And later

"A truck had arrived with our mail. "Gunner Milligan?" shouted Bombardier Marsden. I ran fifty yards to him, "Yes Bom?". "No mail for you".

Classic :D

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from Officers, it will be our policy to keep all Junior NCO’s well trained in our intense program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.) we are trying to give our Junior NCO's more shit than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your fair share of S.H.I.T. in barracks please see your CSM. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list; all our officers are specially skilled and trained at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. that you can handle.

Junior NCO's who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in the DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.)

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEES ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.) since, our officers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they do not have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and they are full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T. you may be interested in training others.

We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.) those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to the DIRECTOR INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.)

If you have any further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.)
Thank you,

Were you studying at the Central University of Newcastle upon Tyne?


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