Squaddie habits die hard

Squaddie habbits die hard…

Im off to a wedding this weekend the groom was the bestman at my wedding and both him and his wife to be are still serving. I was sat talking to the other half about what to buy them as a present etc… he was his usual constructive self and came out with “I’m not fussed, just make sure its something we need, I’ll give it 6 months tops before they’re both at it with the rest of their Plt”….. So 12 inch vibrating mamba it was then…. not sure if House of Fraser have them on their wedding lists?
We had a chuckle though remembering some of the presents we were given at our wedding…. toaster….... kettle……. Simpsons Radio Alarm Clock… all with two pin plugs on straight from the Naafi in Germania.

Anyway the other half has been out for a couple of years now but he has still managed to organize this weekend with military precision…....

The rug rat is being packed off to my mothers for the weekend… he already has her Thomas the Tank Engine bergen packed with spare t-shirt and socks in a waterproofed bag, a bacci tin full of Fuzzy Felt should she decided to call an “o group” with Gran and make a scaled model of the playpark they intended to ambush and some biscuits brown because Grans cooking is shite.

I have been given a plan of action for Saturday, we don’t have breakfast time in our house its reveille which is 0630hrs, first parade 0830 hrs. Should we be separated during the ceremonial festivities the ERV is “Demetris Kebab Imporium” 0.8 clicks from the hotel!

Barking at me to adopt the 3/4 prone position the other night he had the wrong un set firmly in his night sight, when I denied with a simple 'can't' I got
“cant means wont and wont means jail”

He cant be the only one unable to loose those squddie habbits?
I was only a stab, but the thing I've taken with me, apply religiously and has stood me in good stead in life is the "always five minutes early" rule.

I've heard that about you, from your mrs. :lol:
Good points Cait and so very true.

I personally find hearing "Stand Fast the Rear Rank!" at the critical moment rather off putting. I have no objection to "In the prone position DOWN!" though.
My wife keeps getting wound up when i say "say again, over" instead of pardon. And sorting the food cupboard in my way (tins in ranks of 3, weird but works).


I've given thought to how much my civvy life in influenced by a military past.

For example, I have employed two reps for a while now, neither of them have ever served, but both have NATO Tea / coffee and go on a NAAFI break rather than having a brew. They also visit the scoff hall rather than the canteen and have picked up that when someone asks the time they scream ' The time never changes, its One...... tup three one'

I also used my military skills in holding a totty cadre when selecting my Frau. She was best student and therefore deemed worthy of a house key to castle Donut. Activities included ten weeks, of pan bashing, rigourous inspections and block jobs, initiative played only a very small role lets not forget she is a woman, hence the exclusion of driving :D

Polished shoes, neat haircut and no nonsence approach haven't done me any harm but a trusting nature has seen my trousers down a couple of times to be buttfcuked by people I thought were pals.
Cait, RD please tell me the men in your lives aren't really like that!!!! "Stand Fast the Rear Rank" indeed???? Does he also shout "Load" "Make Ready" and "Targets to your Front GO ON!!!" is there a difference bewteen Single Shot and Repatition?? I dread to think how the Safety Staff "Show Clear"
Guess I have been affected by a few little military habits to some extent:

We have "Nosebags" in our house rather than meal times.

Clothing is referred to as "Kit" and woe betide anyone who does not pass muster.

Spray starch features largely on my shopping list and is used, apre Dhobbi, in conjuction with a "Big Willy of all Irons and Ironing Boards" to press kit into utter submission.

Sympathy is a word which is " Somewhere between S hit and Syphillis in the dictionary"

I organize the pantry, shed and garage like a G1098 Store.

Five minutes early feckin well means five minutes early.

Malingering, skiving and generally being a numpty are met with short shrift.

Shoes are "Highly polished" at all times.

ROP's are in general use as indeed are Extras.

My ex TA Officer husband keeps saying "Stop behaving like a really scary SSgt will you?"

Now if I can just work out a way of dealing with "Warned for Office"......
VirtualSoapBox said:
Cait, RD please tell me the men in your lives aren't really like that!!!! "Stand Fast the Rear Rank" indeed???? Does he also shout "Load" "Make Ready" and "Targets to your Front GO ON!!!" is there a difference bewteen Single Shot and Repatition?? I dread to think how the Safety Staff "Show Clear"
He claims he was unhappy when I got commissioned, he wanted me to get WO2 first so he could literally "Fook the Sergeant Major" :) The length of time between Load!, Ready! Rapid Fire! and Unload! leaves a lot to be desired sometimes.

That said he is actually really sweet and thoughtful, most of the military stuff is (Usually) just a joke really.


Book Reviewer
MiB can’t quite shake the habits of old.

The shoe cleaning kit is still just that, a kit in a green draw string bag.

Wifeinblack now understands that we have “gash bags” and not bin liners whereas Daughterinblack and Soninblack understand that threats to help tidy their rooms with a garden rake and a gash bag are only enforceable after certain words have been deployed regarding their bedrooms. The threat is normally preceded by liberal use of “Minging” “Bowfing” or “Bogging”

Nobody in the house makes tea or coffee, they “grab a brew” and all food is eaten with “a digger” or “gobbling rods”

“Nurse” is a term of insult as in “What do you mean you are scared of spiders, you Nurse”
As my son has turned seventeen, works odd hours in a variety of locations and is on the nest when not supporting the Belgian brewing industry I recently instituted a meals booking in/out file! Just as in the real Army this process does not in any way affect the amount livers in have to pay - but it goes some way to maintaining the fragile peace between Mrs Cuddles and son of first marriage.

I like to think of myself as SO1 Faction Liason in our house...in addition to my fiscal role as Commander Pay!


Book Reviewer
Oh yes, we have a weekly room inspection and pay parade where rooms are cleaned and checked then pocket money is issued.

I don't make them count it and shout. "Pay is correct, Sir," because I'm not sad.
Cuddles, first thought was that your idea is going a bit far, second thought is jolly good! I shall be initiating a Messing In\Out book for my house so that my wandering daughter can help me work to the plan.

Maininblack. I WOULD make them say "Pay Correct" etc and I do hope you deduct for items "Gone Diffy"

Hmmmmm, an 1157, now there is an idea worth pursuing..........
i still gallop every meal down like it's going to be taken off me and round off with a "mating sea cow" belch before scraping the last bits into some bread and legging back to work eating it.

the missus has to sort out her conservancies before i go round and invariably tell her that the kharzi is still gopping and she's got one hour till i'm back and it had better be f*cking right gents because i've got all sh@gging night :D

the other squaddie habit i'm finding hard to break is an unsettling desire to drag any gobby little c-unt who back chats me up the skips for a "chat"

that and wiping my sh1tty digits on surfaces where unsuspecting people will end up getting more than they bargained for.... like door handles :D
Shortfuse - I see you eat in the same cookhouse as my hubby. He likes the "Belch of appreciation" as well, coupled with his fart and hold the quilt over my head routine i find these are the things which make him so hard to resist.

"I am in no rush to get home people. My husband is brute ugly and no doubt there will only be salad for supper so I have all night it that's what it takes!"
The wife stopped me diong inspections in the kids room, they used to stand to attention at the end of the bunks and everything , it were grand

However now I have the delights of inspecting eldest before ACF parade nights, one night he didnt see the point of polishing his boots, he can see the point now and I have white and black painted kerb stones around the house to boot
My cousin had started CCF with school a few years back, excitedly he came around to my abode begging his uncle MDN to sort his kit out.

I made him stand out a mile, with creases that would be classed as an offensive weapon, I'd used pritt stick in the creases of his jumper and his Brassard could take the head off a chogie at ten paces.

His beret was shaped properly and his boots shone like Sydney Poitier in a monsoon.

On inspection the following day the inspecting CQMS an old boy with a bucket of real Army experience asked him 'Who did yoru kit for you and who was he with'

He responded

My Uncle MDN from the Army Air Corps and he said Cheshires are all fat knackers that can't fight. :D

His kit wasn't quite as immaculate when he came home


Book Reviewer
Habits pass on to kids as well.

At yesterday's sports day, as reported to me by Wifeinblack, one of the classes had to move from one area of the field to another. As some of them were not going quickly enough the voice of 8 year old Soninblack suddenly cut through with.....

"You lot! Shift your corpses."

I wonder where he got that from?
I find that keeping the two sticklets (2 and 4) in line is no problem but I returned from taking them to the monsterminder the other day to find the neighbour's daughter in fits of giggles as she was being shoved off to the school bus.

Upon enquiring after the cause of the poorly disguised hilarity, I discovered that she was laughing at us. She described how she was getting her schoolbag together when she heard our leaving the house routine -- "Rightyou'orriblelot,youmightbreakyourmother'sheartbutyouwon'tbreakMINE!gettinline,standstill,braceupandshowthemovementboysboysSHUN!BAAAAAAIIIIIYYYYtherighTTTTTTincolumnofroutequickkMARCHDEPDIDEPDIDEPDIDEPDI...[exit stage right]"

Sadly, the 2 year old still hasn't got the hang of marking time yet and routinely piles into his brother and then the gate.

Not liking to be left out, their mother occasionally tries to join in.

I mean how sad is that?! 8O
I still drink a brew with my main evening meal. Much to the confusion of the In laws.

Everyone I talk to is "mate" even the Iranian post man. (One of the true cases for Asylum. I’ve seen the scars and heard the stories)

Every time I get up into the mountains, for a bit of fresh air, I tab around like a man possessed. So much so that now I have to go alone.

I fecked up a little bit at work the other day, and my boss called me in for a chat. I marched in. Slammed my tabs in and stood to attention awaiting my charge. He didn’t say anything, he just got up and left with a look of confusion on his face, shaking his head. :)

I still don’t get into nightclubs even when sober. I’m 29. :?

There are probably others but they are so ingrained that its just who I am.


Similar threads