Squaddie art.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by shortfuse, Oct 11, 2007.

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  1. Leading on from the thread about the crack in the tate modern passing itself off as "art" his set my troubled mind thinking as to what constitutes this, and who says wether it is... or it isnt...

    One mans artwork, is another (more sensible) mans maintenance issue...

    Then i pondered further,..what would the Fuhrers rechts hand mann Heinrich Von Hart make of all this? would he approve? would he fly into an uncontrollable rage?.... who knows...

    What if?

    What if the tate opened a gallery for an exhibition called "G1098 art"... what would be in it?

    My personal entries would be as follows...

    shit on a plate, microwave it for 2 hours and call it

    "romantic view of Nienburg NAAFI"

    you'll coin it.

    Any other squaddie based "art" that could be inflicted on the chattering classes?

    a swamped mattress with a likeness to Che Guevara in the stains...entitled
    "the first of 19"

    A fully brimming turdis looking like a brown banana sundae, superheated to 8 zillion degrees, entitled "the smell of victory"

    4 mismatched squares of carpet Held together with copius ammounts of harry black in an oddly sized chequerboard pattern entitled "singlies accomodation 1987"

    I await your entries for the exhibition.... what would you create?
  2. a mattress strapped to a ugly women's back.


    squaddie mattress.
  3. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

    An empty mini-bus, with BMH Rinteln written on the side and "Party" in the destination display!
  4. 24 Empty stella cans crushed inside a large Pizza box

    Titled Friday on my mind
  5. A mountain of empty beer cans entitled 'Saturday'.
    Another entitled 'Sunday'.

    A GS shovel with some strands of matted hair and unidentifiable matter entitled 'Summer Holiday.'
  6. A crumpled up fag packet entitled............. "Admin"
  7. only 24?? gayboy :D
  8. Philistine it represents a quiet Thursday night in, hence the title FRIDAY on my mind :wink:
  9. A pair of well soiled ladies underwear..........."the scent of a woman"
  10. A stiff foul reeking rag; brown, yellow, sweat stained and encrusted with substances that would worry the scientists at Porton Down.

    Entitled: 'Batus Boxer Shorts'
  11. Ok then but make them German on friday 8)
  12. A vending machine, completely empty apart from a severely dubious looking Scotch pie with a layer of congealed semi solid beans perched jauntily upon its Chobham-esque pastry lid, on a fetching carboard plate


    "23:30 Sunday night, 7 hours until brekkie... would you?"
  13. Staying in the theme
    A picture of Anne Widdecome in hotpants and push up bra


    0145 would you??
  14. How about an empty drip tray photographed next to a big spill on the drill square where the squaddie was too lazy to place it under the sump.

    Titled: Idle

    A floor with yellow wax rubbed in with just three bumper lines in it

    Titled: 'long way to go' or 'fcuk about'

    A pair of coveralls with an ashpole through the sleeves

    Titled: wheres the nig

    I do believe the most stunning squaddie art I ever saw was laid over a german trumping pot. The cable was that long it coiled on the ledge and licked the waters edge round the bend at the same time. The layer must have turned round, remarked at its beauty and gone into the next trap to wipe his arse, so he could leave his masterpiece unflushed for all to enjoy.

    Titled: beached otter
  15. 2 NIGs hanging by their boots from Bedford TM CALMS