Squaddie Ambitions

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by cernunnos, Jan 7, 2008.

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  1. Lack of ambition is a criticism often raised against Soldiers by clueless officers faced with report writing. This is often levelled at soldiers who have just told the CO to shove his: Cadre course/move to the training wing/Commision etc. It started to appear on my CRs after I told the CO "I don't want an LE commision sir, I still have some standards!" To counter this I decided to make the CO and the other officers in the Bn aware of my ambitions and to give them an update as these changed. DII is an excellent means to do this. I now publish my ambitions on a weekly basis.

    My ambition last week was to get Paris Hilton in a hotel room, set up the pervy cam, drink the mini bar dry, have a w'ank and fall asleep (why should she have it better than my missus?) All she had to do was remember her lines from the last video "Eeeeeuuww!"

    My ambition this week is to push a kit bag full of Baboons up Gordon Browns arse, on live TV, then film the escape.

    Do you have an ambition?
  2. Aside from purifying society through the eradication of the subnormal using only a belt sander and a chisel, I've never really been that ambitious.
  3. Can I raise you a kit bag of Gaboons as well?
  4. Indeed you may, the logic of inserting 130 kilos of venomous reptiles up a 130 kilo venomous reptile is attractive. It would also cause the Baboons to redouble their efforts!
  5. now that would be worth seeing!!!!

    Finally found my aim in life!
  6. I've got two kit bags from the QM, does anyone out there have a slack handfull of Baboons?

    Rabid ones preferred!
  7. I just want to make it to the weekend without some knob spoiling it!
  8. Sorry but all my Baboons (must be at least a handful) are not slack.

    Can do you a good deal on (only just past their sell by date) Racoons?
  9. Might be able to help you out there.

    The ex wife and her sister fit the bill perfectly. I would add the mother of these evil harridans in only she is more of a gibbon. They also tend to fight when enclosed in small spaces for any length of time which would be an advantage in this situation.
  10. Racoons don't have the strength to tear a man limb from limb or the teeth and jaws to crack a human skull. Perhaps they might come in for someone else though, I'd like to see them scurry up the Gwarr Branson!
  11. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    Lack of ambition is a prevalent offence in Civvy Strasse, the last boss couldnt believe that I should be allowed to be happy doing what I was doing so got me the sack, well I was happier with about 4 months salary and the first day of the pheasant season around the corner.
    wnackers the lot of them.
    To be honest I was amazed I had bluffed my way so far as it was and thought I'd better learn the job before over extending myself. I really though have the ambition of no mortgage or bills and a great job as a game keeper full time.
  12. I've been in touch with London Weekend Television. They like to include the idea in a new series of "You Bet" We would have to replace the Baboons with small starving asian children and the Gaboons with conger eels due to potential animal rights protestors. Gordon Brown is apparently up for it. Any form of anal intrusion is all right by him!
  13. I had a frank exchange of views with my RSM over booze and BBQed Bratties many moons ago...

    Him: You're too ambitions too fcuking soon and I don't like you!

    Me. Ok, if I drop the ambition to be a pole bearer at your funeral will you like me any more?

    Oh how the duty roster just wrote itself from that point...!
  14. I had a new ambition today, due to an incident on my way to work. I wanted to find out who invented the speed camera and give him the pasting of his life, insert a static camera up his arse before giving them both a Soweto necklace.

    I've since learned that he died in 1998.

    I hope he burns in a particularly Dutch corner of hell, kept hot by the fresh piles of speeding tickets produced world wide each day!

    I'll just have to go back to Gordons Browns Baboon/Gaboon arse!