I have just learnt my daughters school has brought back the Fathers Race for Sports Day, after a few years of a wet lefty "winning doesn't matter" philosophy. This is genuinely exciting stuff, to the point where the adrenaline and testosterone is pumping at the mere thought of winning by a country mile in front of my proud daughter and many admiring mothers. The other fathers may have ambition, but they are dumpy and far beyond their sporting best. Me on the other hand play on the wing for my home city's rugby club, and although my fitness isn't what it was I can keep up with anyone in a sprint even if they are nearly half my age. Despite this I will train, and train hard to get my mind and body prepared! In my head I have already bought a new pair of running shoes for the event of Olympic proportions to help with the mindset. This rest of the outfit is to be decided because impact will be an important factor as I cement my place is local folklore. I may take my gum shield for effect and intimidation purposes. I am a firm believer in instilling competitiveness in children, as mediocre ambitions will only result in a mediocre life. Of course sportsmanship is very, very important and I shall wish others good luck and shake hands at the finish line without looking smug. No doubt there will be mutterings of "it's only for fun", "some people take it too seriously" and "don't worry about coming last Timothy, console yourself with another donut" but is it really that wrong to take it seriously and WANT to win? What does the far reaching Arrse universe think? Bollocks to them, that's what I say. The playground bragging rights will belong to my daughter and I.