Sports Day Fathers Race etiquette...

Discussion in 'Health and Fitness' started by FatBoyGeorge, Apr 22, 2012.

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  1. I have just learnt my daughters school has brought back the Fathers Race for Sports Day, after a few years of a wet lefty "winning doesn't matter" philosophy. This is genuinely exciting stuff, to the point where the adrenaline and testosterone is pumping at the mere thought of winning by a country mile in front of my proud daughter and many admiring mothers. The other fathers may have ambition, but they are dumpy and far beyond their sporting best. Me on the other hand play on the wing for my home city's rugby club, and although my fitness isn't what it was I can keep up with anyone in a sprint even if they are nearly half my age.

    Despite this I will train, and train hard to get my mind and body prepared! In my head I have already bought a new pair of running shoes for the event of Olympic proportions to help with the mindset. This rest of the outfit is to be decided because impact will be an important factor as I cement my place is local folklore. I may take my gum shield for effect and intimidation purposes.

    I am a firm believer in instilling competitiveness in children, as mediocre ambitions will only result in a mediocre life. Of course sportsmanship is very, very important and I shall wish others good luck and shake hands at the finish line without looking smug. No doubt there will be mutterings of "it's only for fun", "some people take it too seriously" and "don't worry about coming last Timothy, console yourself with another donut" but is it really that wrong to take it seriously and WANT to win?

    What does the far reaching Arrse universe think?

    Bollocks to them, that's what I say. The playground bragging rights will belong to my daughter and I.
    • Like Like x 3
  2. Top bloke. If you had been in charge during WW2, we wouldn't have lost an empire.


    Pah, it's a name for losers.
  3. Beat them and beat them hard. No such thing as second place, just first loser.
  4. Fool.

    You need to update yourself in FASHION!

    For there will be MILF!

    The real winner will find himself first amongst the prettiest fanny; not sweating and heaving at the finish line!

    And if you are unsuccessful?

    Be sure to post photos so we can revel in Jemima Shaw-Oglevy's mum's pert bangers and ensure you achieve immortality on Arrse's hallowed pages!

    We await, with eager anticipation, your photographic evidence of the juicy Jack & Danny that drips hungrily for the savage appraisal of your military Internet brethren!!
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Spikes, Lycra suit. Unashamed victory - at all costs.

    Sports days are great for milfage too.........In my hazy dream world the fastest dad gets to **** the fastest mum!
  6. Don't forget to pick a fight with whoever runs second and fill him in in front of his kids. There's a memory that will stay with them forever.
    • Like Like x 2
  7. Yes... I like it! Failure isn't going to happen, nor will I be a heaving mess at the finish line. I will be sweaty and oozing with pheromones, but not heaving.

    I knew Arrse would be there for me, this friendship will last forever!

    Attached Files:

    • Like Like x 1
  8. Banana down your Lycra suit, running backwards shouting "Come on then, do you want some of this?"
    • Like Like x 4
  9. That may not end well. He could trip and the banana could 'go somewhere'.

    That's an image that's bound to haunt the children for the rest of their lives.

    Sent from my brick using poo stained fingers
  10. Sod that, the mothers race on a really hot day, t shirts only, chest puppies that have fed her brood, bouncing magnificently in the summer sun, standing casually at the finish line with the other dads, thats the place to be
  11. Yes, but at least it would give the staff in the casualty department an excuse that they hadn't heard before; must make a change from I was hoovering and slipped onto the hairbrush / broom handle / etc etc
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Day 1's training looked a bit like this:

    0545 Partook in some self abuse

    0630 Knocking on the door of the gym

    0640 - 0750 Compound exercises with weight

    1800 3.5 mile run finishing with climbing the hill to home.

    1830 Some more self abuse whilst warming down in the shower.

    Day off tomorrow, Wednesday will mostly consist of playing 4 high impact 20 min games of rugby in Coventry for the local HMP screws.

    Sub 11(ish)sec here I come!
  13. I wonder what school Kris Akabusi's kids go to.
  14. Or if all else fails - cheat - superglue the egg in the spoon
    • Like Like x 1
  15. I think you're lacking in creativity.

    Why not suggest to the school livening it up a little. you could use the "I'm in the army and can get loads of stuff to make it more fun"

    Camo nets to crawl under, full Noddy suits to R4, jerry cans to carry, bergens full of bricks to carry, the works!