Splitting the bill

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by vvaannmmaann, May 7, 2012.

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  1. Went for supper last night.The woman is my wife's bezzer.Arrived at the venue,and her husband (border line alcoholic I think) had already put a few away.Throughout the evening he had a glass in front of him.
    Meal was nice,lots of chat - then the bill arrives."OK" says he "shall we split it 50/50"?
    Now by my calculation he had downed £30 in booze on his own,whereas my wife doesn't drink booze and had water all night.
    I would love to say it's not about the money more about the principle,but that would be a lie.
    Having been caught twice before any thoughts on not getting caught again?
     
  2. Yes, in future just say that each pays for his own drinks.
     
  3. Next time get there before them and make sure you order a few old rare single malts.
     
  4. How about:
    "OK" says he "shall we split it 50/50"?
    (quick as a flash)
    "sure! Less the bar tab-We havent had anything to drink".
    If he see's his arrse order a bottle of champaigne to take out on the 50/50 bill to prove the point.
     
  5. Just go 'dutch'.

    Or indeed insist on paying for your own drinky poos.
     
  6. And don't forget to warn the Missus beforehand, because in an unrehearsed situation like this she will instinctively take her bezzers' side rather than yours. There will be a stony silence in the car on the way home which will last until you are in bed. eventually she will say something like: "Why did you embarrass me in front of Doreen?"
     
    • Like Like x 3
  7. Thai That's spookyily almost word for word what happened.And even more spookily your avatar image is just like my wife's mate.
     
  8. At which point jab her in the kidneys and kick her back doors in.

    Another option is to smash the food. If he is kicking the arrse out of ht ebooze, make sure you geta HUUGGGGEEEE juicy steak with all the trimmings.

    You're also letting yourself down by letting him 'take the lead' on the bill. He announces 50/50 very reasonably. You are then made to look a tw4t by saying 'howabout no, you alky cnut' or words to that affect.

    So, next time wait until he has gone to the bog, then call for the bill, whilst he's gone explain to doreen how it's going to work. Check and mate.

    Explain to the frau why you are concerned. Point out the guy is a booze guzzleing arrsehole, and tht he is robbing you blind. She may understand. You can also say he probably can't perform later on for doreen, so this is her way of helping out her mate... and the other guy may beat her. who knows it may be true.

    If she doesn't see it your way, jab in the eyes, double kidney punch and kick her back doors in.
     
  9. Get your Missus and her mate you give you a tandem heady while her hubby drinks himself into an impotent rage...
     
  10. Been in this situation at a troop meal, one end of the table had been necking wine like it was going out of fashion, the other end was driving so had drunk little.

    the suggestion to split the bill 20 ways was met with a resounding "FUCK OFF", leaving ( we would hope) the wine guzzler very light in pocket
     
  11. 50/50 on the food but not on the drinks, awkward first time you do it but after that its never an issue
     
  12. Or just dont go out with the greedy fuckers again....let the wife go out with her friend on thier own, stating they can have a good blether without men,,..........sorted ....that way you dont have to suffer the blokes company.. :thumright: