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Splitarse Drivers

gentlesoul

Old-Salt
Errrrr, can I interject here............ Some of us lovely ladies are better drivers than a vast amount of men, hence lower insurance rates!

No points on my licence
Able to judge distances to within a millimetre
Parallel park in one go
Park without hitting the cars at either end
Will speed on a motorway in good driving conditions
Know which lane to overtake in
Use all mirrors and often
Say thank you
Will let people in
Can read a map (don't know how to use the tomtom thingy!)

Etc etc.

SO FECK OFF! :pissedoff: :threaten: :shakefist: :frustrated: :yawnstretch: :thumright:
 

OldSnowy

LE
Book Reviewer
Not only S/arrses, but add to the list anyone who drives a Nissan Micra - they tend only to come out on a Sunday, an drive veeery sloooowly indeed.

Meanwhile - talking recently to one of the Wife's workmates (Had to, as I didn't believe the Missus when she told me about her). This woman passed her test 20 years ago, and only started driving last year (God knows how she got insurance - if indeed she has).

She keeps the fog lights on at all times.

She never ever uses full beam headlights, as 'they are too bright'.


To be fair, male drivers may have more accidents, but it's daft tw@ts like this who cause them!
 
Can I gently remind the males commenting on here, especially those under 30, that it is generally they who die or are seriously injured, in their droves, usually in single vehicle accidents!

The girls and older people are "rewarded" with lower insurance premia because the insurance companies know what risks they are insuring.

There are crap drivers of all genders and ages. But, if you find yourself constantly standing on your brakes because the car in front of you is travelling "slowly", have a look at your surroundings and then at the speedo. I bet you are trying to drive at more than the speed limit.

I drive about 20-25,000 miles a year in all conditions and a variety of vehicles. I overtake lots of cars out in the countryside. Funnily enough, they are usually the same cars that then tailgate me through the next village with a 30 mph speed limit. Judging by the gestures etc, it is they who consider me a prat.

Sit in my boot and I will slow down and increase the gap in front of me, which will always be 2-3 seconds anyway - because if you are that close, you are no longer driving your vehicle....... I AM!

Litotes
 

Blogg

LE
gentlesoul said:
Errrrr, can I interject here............ Some of us lovely ladies are better drivers than a vast amount of men, hence lower insurance rates!

No points on my licence
Able to judge distances to within a millimetre
Parallel park in one go
Park without hitting the cars at either end
Will speed on a motorway in good driving conditions
Know which lane to overtake in
Use all mirrors and often
Say thank you
Will let people in
Can read a map (don't know how to use the tomtom thingy!)

Etc etc.

SO FECK OFF! :pissedoff: :threaten: :shakefist: :frustrated: :yawnstretch:

Hmmm. Clearly you have not met Mrs Blogg. Now she can tick these boxes:

No points on licence
Able to judge distances to within a millimetre
Parallel park in one go
Park without hitting the cars at either end
Will speed on a motorway in good driving conditions
Know which lane to overtake in
Use all mirrors and often

but alas

Say thank you: Er no. Lost patience with local plonkers years ago
Will let people in. No. See above
Can read a map. Only if pressed. TomTom addict

Favoured mode of transport is a battered, mud and crap encrusted but very sound Toyota Landcruiser aka The Bitch Wagon. It sort of says "Get out of my way, pondscum" but in a caring way. Quite effective in terms of getting the local 20 mph max. coffin-dodgers to pull over.

The idiot chav Nova/Saxo brigade seldom try to force past on the back roads. Muwahahahahahah :pissedoff:
 

green_slime

Old-Salt
My favourite near death experience came recently.

I was driving to a meeting and using a dual-lane bypass around the town. It has several roundabouts and at one I came up behind a red rover 25 (always a bad sign). The women, for twas a split, was going around the roundabout in the middle of the two lanes and indicated right. Thus I mive dover to the left and began to accelerate to get onto the road. Imagine my joy when she moved over left in front of me with her indicator still going!

Not using indicators is bad enough, but to use them wrongly is plain dangerous!
 

Contrarian

War Hero
DPM_Sheep said:
Ah yes, women drivers...

There was the blue rinse OAP in the Corsa who tried to do a 3 point turn on a blind corner in a NSL zone. Only reason we both didn't go straight to St. Peter was the sheer dumb luck of me having slowed to let a car turn off just before.

You should approach every bend at a speed where it is possible to stop in the distance you can see. Everyone should be forced to undertake studies in defensive driving techniques on an IAM or ROSPA course.
 
Fiji_Bob said:
I don't know what is worse a splitarse driving or one as passenger?....pearls of wisdom as follows..........

:frustrated: "You're too close to them in front"
:frustrated: "Don't swear at them they cant hear you, but I can"
:frustrated: "Why are you speeding"
:frustrated: "Turn left there" (1 millisecond before the junction)
:frustrated: "Turn left ,no right, I mean left"
:frustrated: "Don't start a fight with them while I'm in the car"
:frustrated: "Why did you not let them in the queue"
:frustrated: "Why did we come this way?" (stuck in traffic jam)
:frustrated: "I told you not to come this way" (still stuck in traffic jam)

Where do I buy one of those James Bond ejector seats? :plotting:

My mother has obviously been in the car with you. She told me off the other day for not crawling up to and through a width restriction I use every day - she couldn't accept my argument that just because she and numerous other drivers (male and female) seem oblivious to the width of their vehicles that I know the size of my car and how to manoeuvre it! Probably something to do with me having driven over 18,000 miles this past 10 months where she's managed under 2,000!
 
not_finished_yet said:
DPM_Sheep said:
Ah yes, women drivers...

There was the blue rinse OAP in the Corsa who tried to do a 3 point turn on a blind corner in a NSL zone. Only reason we both didn't go straight to St. Peter was the sheer dumb luck of me having slowed to let a car turn off just before.

You should approach every bend at a speed where it is possible to stop in the distance you can see. Everyone should be forced to undertake studies in defensive driving techniques on an IAM or ROSPA course.

Fecking road Captain....... I bought this car for its excellent fuel economy and excellent NCAP rating blah blah blah....BORE OFF!
 

janieo

Old-Salt
And who's car are you happy to get in when you are pi**ed up from the pub....Yes the "Splitarse Driver " (your wife or partner).... :nod:
 
janieo said:
And who's car are you happy to get in when you are pi**ed up from the pub....Yes the "Splitarse Driver " (your wife or partner).... :nod:

Fcuk off - after a bezzering session I hope into my own fcuking car with dead and dying children spread over the wings and bonnet. Soft, moving targets are fair game - lampposts not so.
 
not_finished_yet said:
DPM_Sheep said:
Ah yes, women drivers...

There was the blue rinse OAP in the Corsa who tried to do a 3 point turn on a blind corner in a NSL zone. Only reason we both didn't go straight to St. Peter was the sheer dumb luck of me having slowed to let a car turn off just before.

You should approach every bend at a speed where it is possible to stop in the distance you can see. Everyone should be forced to undertake studies in defensive driving techniques on an IAM or ROSPA course.

Oh I wasn't racing (less than 20 in fact), this was just a numpty doing a 3 pointer at the apex of a blind bend.
 

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