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#2
chickenpunk said:
8. The Gurkha - doesn't speak any language anything like English and doesn't understand a single word that is said on the course. He is found during lunch break trying to get the 'Resusci-Annie' to fellate him. On the plus side, he is always immaculately turned out and first there at the start of each lesson. When he demonstrates EAR, he might as well be reading pages 162-173 of the Katmandu telephone directory. Passes course with an average grade.
damn near p*ssed myself there, top stuff!
 
#3
Brilliant!
Met most of them and bet I have have been one of them at some time.
Funny thing is, most of the descriptions fit the jurors I've just served with
 
#4
Whiskybreath said:
Got you tabbed, tattybadger. Wait out.... :)D)
Blimey WB - last time I saw a face like the photo was on a bloke being knocked around a portacabin just below the chogies. EEEEER I'll fcukin have that lanky streak of pishh -- yeah yeah yeah. Stand by he nearly had you!!!
 
#5
chickenpunk said:
Never forget the incompetent senior officer:

I was safety supervising during the range package for a course which featured a spectacularly dangerous Major (I was a lowly Lt at the time) who was supposedly learning how to defend himself under complicated circumstances. Several variations of: 'Make safe!'. Clank, clink, rattle BANG! Were heard every day, whilst the culmination, which happened at Lydd, involved my closest brush with death when he managed to 'straddle' me and the doughbag student I was supervising with a burst from an HK53. It took several cups of tea in the little cafe outside the ranges to recover from that one.
Sounds suspiciously like your gallant major could also have been a walt! :lol:
 
#6
Trotsky said:
Me (aka The arrse member)

The only sensible person on the course. Well read and urbane I sail through with just enough effort to get a decent pass without being first.

Usefull in the bar without talking b+++ocks, enjoying the course without being an a**se, The only person not to suck up to, or urine off, the DS.

Generally the person who suggests we "all meet up for a drink next week/month/year" knowing full well it will never happen.

It later turns out I passed the course because the chief instructor was my Sgt when I was a recruit 10 years ago ....................

Unfathomably returns home unshagged............

Trotsky
Except by the instr!!!!!
 
#7
tattybadger said:
Trotsky said:
Me (aka The arrse member)

The only sensible person on the course. Well read and urbane I sail through with just enough effort to get a decent pass without being first.

Usefull in the bar without talking b+++ocks, enjoying the course without being an a**se, The only person not to suck up to, or urine off, the DS.

Generally the person who suggests we "all meet up for a drink next week/month/year" knowing full well it will never happen.

It later turns out I passed the course because the chief instructor was my Sgt when I was a recruit 10 years ago ....................

Unfathomably returns home unshagged............



Trotsky
Except by the instr!!!!!
I have a feeling I may know you.............. :oops:
 
#9
chickenpunk said:
Also don't forget:

The bloke who doesn't turn up. At roll call before the first course introduction period the name 'Cpl Smith, 2 ATR' is called to a deafening silence. After a few moments, one of the lesser DS pipes up to the effect that he called yesterday and left a message to say he couldn't make it. Nevertheless, every time anybody does a nominal roll check, the name 'Cpl Smith, 2 ATR' is called and then testily crossed out by the DS. At the final test, there is a desk with a paper laid out for him. Gets a fail which then dogs him throughout his career and prevents him from being commissioned 14 years later.
Ahhh, at last I know what happened to my so called career :?
 
#10
Trotsky said:
I am blonde myopic and MALE...................... So maybe you don't know me!!!

Whilst I am here howabout:

Mrs "werebothright".

Generally a female civilian manger in her forties. Has an excellent theoretical knowledge of the subject area but cannot be told when she is wrong, even when the DS are forced to obatin written proof from a Cambridge university professor that 2+2+4 and not 5 as she says.

When said proof arrives she says "were both right".

Anoys the hell out of the DS and the other students and you don't see her after the test on the last day. Months later you run into her at a briefing and she tells you she got a "good fail".

Trotsky
I was never that fussy and I walted about the twins!!!!!
 
E

error_unknown

Guest
#11
copterman said:
I reckon I'm something of a cross between the human tape recorder and the course alky but hey,

The official best at everything
aces all exams, theory and practical, with no apparent effort, can play any sport and run a gym queen into the floor. You all feel you should hate him for being such a lucky cnut (did I mention he always shags any decent looking bird going?!) but he is always so likeable and holds his drink so well you just can't bring yourself to give him the kicking he so clearly deserves!
Regrettably for you, it isn't you.

Just remember the first rule of fight club.
 
#12
Having encountered a few of these people and probably been considered to be a few and having diligently read through all the comments and stereotypes and nearly wet myself from laughter.

Can you imagine the class reunion for all these people. Should be made into a flim.

JJ
 
#13
Pangur_Ban said:
[quote="firestarter] Unless this was RMAS?
Zackly.

And yes, the students WERE there long enough to carry out the listed tasks.

Only just, mind.
:lol:[/quote]

I thank you :)
 
#14
tattybadger said:
Have we seen the foreign student yet?

Turns up without the first idea about anything related to the cse.
Barely speaks enough english to order a kebab.
Never on time.
Kit all over the place.
When it's cold puts on every single item of kit that he's been issued.
Never gets further than 100 metres in any PT.
Has eyes out on stalks and looks like a stunned mullet.
Doesn't bother turning up for the exam (or if he does - cheats).
All the DS smile at him to his face 'cos they're terrified that he will go AWOL, but despise him behind his back.
Never changes his sheets.
Gets horrendously pished down town and has to be bailed out by the comdt.
Finds english ladies ultra attratcive and has a permanent erection when they are around - they, howevere, hate him.
Prays when it's time to work.
Ingratiates himself with the DS.
Ends the cse knowing less than when he started.

Then .... comes third on the cse and is presented a huge plaque/medal! :lol: :lol:
See previous post to this....."The Course Jock"
:wink:
 
E

error_unknown

Guest
#16
Gizzit said:
Arch nemesis of ex-Tom at RMAS, the ex-OTC SUO

Turns up similarly early to ex-Tom, whose hackles rise instinctively on first sight. Essentially tells parents to fcuk off home as soon as possible, before getting all serious and career minded with Adjt. Adjt wonders who he is, and makes a mental note to blow any application to his Regt out of the water. Needn't worry, because our SUO will be 'joining Para Reg...only unit for me, really, loads of aggression and all that, probably try for H after a couple of years...I've done POC y'know...good course. 98% drop out rate last I checked...couple of lads killed on mine, really tragic....'

Doesn't try and wear non-issue kit on exercise, as knows does not have the charm to get away without a beasting. Does however take every opportunity to remind DS that he's a sweat. Routinely instructs other OCdts to wear goretex under their smocks, and is always the first to pipe up (ensuring DS are within earshot) about not putting loose rounds into helmet - '..they'll get stuck in the lining, next time you're firing blank it'll fall out, drop into your mag, and BANG, you've just 'greased' your 'oppo'...' Hated by the DS as he tries to counteract all their instructions with the 'field way' of doing things, and lots of misguided people make lots of fcuk ups as a result.

Can't understand why everyone else in Pl puts up with the Arab floppy with a smile...'He's just so unprofessional.' Never lets anything go, even when DS aren't around, as this would be a drop in standards. Automatically assumes he is in charge based on previous experience.

Beaten up by Pl in harbour area at night. NDs next day, is charged, cries, runs away, never seen again.
Absolutely goddamn right. I'm going to start a new thread tomorrow based on this person. Mwahahahahahahahahaha!
 
#19
stabtastic said:
Yes! At CATAC he was a dubious mustachioed and sleepy Saudi Royal Guard, who did no work, understood the square root of chuff all, and whose token command appointment of platoon commander was curtailed when he sat down after an hour and said 'I do not wish to do this. I stay here now'. The attack carried on while he stretched out and smoked cigarette after cigarette with supreme elegance and nonchalance.

When the foreign students were called to the front in the final address to get a certificate, he was cheered by all.

:D :D :D I fcuking love this thread!!!
 
#20
stabtastic said:
Yes! At CATAC he was a dubious mustachioed and sleepy Saudi Royal Guard, who did no work, understood the square root of chuff all, and whose token command appointment of platoon commander was curtailed when he sat down after an hour and said 'I do not wish to do this. I stay here now'. The attack carried on while he stretched out and smoked cigarette after cigarette with supreme elegance and nonchalance.

When the foreign students were called to the front in the final address to get a certificate, he was cheered by all.
no wonder the Middle Eastern Armies are fukin hopeless in any war
 

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