split stuff

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by chargetemp, Jul 4, 2005.

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  1. Mod edit..if you cant take advice when offered
  2. Mary had two little lambs
    She called them jack and gypsy,
    they both contracted foot and mouth
    and now they're black and crispy!

    There once was a woman from Ealing
    Who had a peculiar feeling.
    She lay on her back
    And opened her crack,
    And pissed all over the ceiling.
  3. can we cut out out the unfunny ones about site members!!
  4. ooh, damn.. I had a good one about Chargetemp all worked out, too..
  5. I shant voice my opinion on Chargetemp again (I've already had my wrist slapped by CC) but he's gone very quiet. Hopefully, he's gone back to his BNP forum and will spare us his "enlightening" Aryan views.
  6. Mary had a little lamb,
    It's fleece was white as snow
    And everywhere that Mary went,
    The lamb was sure to go.

    Mary had a little pig,
    She couldn't stop it grunting,
    So she took it down the garden path,
    And kicked its little cnut in!
  7. this probably doesn't count as a limerick, but here goes:-

    yes you are right it was awomans prayer so it is gone (mod)
  8. A Limericks cleverly versed
    The second line rhymes with the first
    The Third one is short
    The fourths the same sort
    And the last one is often the worst
  9. Mary had a little lamb
    She also had a bear
    I've seen Mary's little lamb,
    But never seen her bare!!

    The was a young lady of Bod
    Who thought she'd been made pregnant by God.
    But it wasn't the Almighty
    Who ripped off her nighty
    It was Roger, the lodger, the sod!!
  10. There was a young man from Nantucket
    Whos c*ck was so long he could suck it
    He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin
    If my ear was a c*nt I could f*ck it.
  11. A nice young man from Bude
    went on the stage in the nude
    someone out front shouted out cnut
    just like that, f**king rude.
  12. The lyrics to 'friggin in the riggin' by the sex pistols:

    It was on the good ship Venus
    By Christ, ya shoulda seen us
    The figurehead was a whore in bed
    And the mast, a mammoth penis

    The captain of this lugger
    He was a dirty bugger
    He wasn't fit to shovel shit
    From one place to another

    Friggin' in the riggin'
    Friggin' in the riggin'
    Friggin' in the riggin'
    There was fuck all else to do

    The captains name was Morgan
    By Christ, he was a gorgon
    Ten times a day he'd stop and play
    With his fuckin' organ

    The first mate's name was Cooper
    By Christ he was a trooper.
    He jerked and jerked until he worked
    Himself into a stupor


    The second mate was Andy
    By Christ, he had a dandy
    Till they crushed his cock on a jagged rock
    For cumming in the brandy

    The cabin boy was Flipper
    He was a fuckin' nipper
    He stuffed his ass with broken glass
    And circumcised the skipper


    The Captain's wife was Mabel
    To fuck she was not able
    So the dirty shits, they nailed her tits
    Across the barroom table

    The Captain had a daughter
    Who fell in deep sea water
    And by her squeals we knew the eels
    Had found 'er sexual quarters

    Ho Ho Ho...
    ...I'll email you the actual song if you PM me.
  13. The first mate's name was Carter
    My god he was a farter
    when the wind wouldn't blow
    and the ship wouldn't go
    they called on Carter the farter to start 'er
  14. Like me, these are old, but I can't see them here already .......

    There was a young girl from Australia
    Who painted her arrse like a dahlia.
    At tuppence a smell,
    It was all very well,
    But at threepence a lick was a failure.

    There was a young man from Leeds
    Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
    Blades of grass
    Grew out of his arrse
    And his b@lls were covered in weeds.
  15. Little Boy Blue
    Come blow your horn
    The sheep in the meadow
    The cows in the corn

    But where is the boy
    Who looks after the sheep
    He under the haystack
    F*cking Bo Peep!