split stuff

#1
Mod edit..if you cant take advice when offered
 
#2
Mary had two little lambs
She called them jack and gypsy,
they both contracted foot and mouth
and now they're black and crispy!

There once was a woman from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling.
She lay on her back
And opened her crack,
And pissed all over the ceiling.
 
#4
ooh, damn.. I had a good one about Chargetemp all worked out, too..
 
#5
I shant voice my opinion on Chargetemp again (I've already had my wrist slapped by CC) but he's gone very quiet. Hopefully, he's gone back to his BNP forum and will spare us his "enlightening" Aryan views.
 
#6
Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go.

Mary had a little pig,
She couldn't stop it grunting,
So she took it down the garden path,
And kicked its little cnut in!
 
#7
this probably doesn't count as a limerick, but here goes:-

yes you are right it was awomans prayer so it is gone (mod)
 
#8
A Limericks cleverly versed
The second line rhymes with the first
The Third one is short
The fourths the same sort
And the last one is often the worst
 
#9
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I've seen Mary's little lamb,
But never seen her bare!!

The was a young lady of Bod
Who thought she'd been made pregnant by God.
But it wasn't the Almighty
Who ripped off her nighty
It was Roger, the lodger, the sod!!
 
#12
The lyrics to 'friggin in the riggin' by the sex pistols:

It was on the good ship Venus
By Christ, ya shoulda seen us
The figurehead was a whore in bed
And the mast, a mammoth penis

The captain of this lugger
He was a dirty bugger
He wasn't fit to shovel shit
From one place to another

Chorus:
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was fuck all else to do


The captains name was Morgan
By Christ, he was a gorgon
Ten times a day he'd stop and play
With his fuckin' organ

The first mate's name was Cooper
By Christ he was a trooper.
He jerked and jerked until he worked
Himself into a stupor

Chorus

The second mate was Andy
By Christ, he had a dandy
Till they crushed his cock on a jagged rock
For cumming in the brandy

The cabin boy was Flipper
He was a fuckin' nipper
He stuffed his ass with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper

Chorus

The Captain's wife was Mabel
To fuck she was not able
So the dirty shits, they nailed her tits
Across the barroom table

The Captain had a daughter
Who fell in deep sea water
And by her squeals we knew the eels
Had found 'er sexual quarters



Ho Ho Ho...
...I'll email you the actual song if you PM me.
 
#14
Like me, these are old, but I can't see them here already .......

There was a young girl from Australia
Who painted her arrse like a dahlia.
At tuppence a smell,
It was all very well,
But at threepence a lick was a failure.

There was a young man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
Blades of grass
Grew out of his arrse
And his b@lls were covered in weeds.
 
#15
Little Boy Blue
Come blow your horn
The sheep in the meadow
The cows in the corn

But where is the boy
Who looks after the sheep
He under the haystack
F*cking Bo Peep!
 

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