My school was mysteriously (to authority, no mystery to the rest of us) burgled - only a few days later did they realise the purpose of the break in (nothing was stolen) when the aroma broke out of the filing cabinet
On exercise my mate had a turd that was as long as an ammo box and two inches wide. I swear down, we placed empty cases beside it when we took a picture to prove the size.
Before I joined up I worked for my old man in the construction industry. We were doing a job in Duxford for this old lady who owned this dog called Digby. One of the guys, John, wanted to have a crap but didn't want to stink out her toilet so he went behind theese tall bushes in the garden. Digby came round and started barking. He told the dog to bugger off and finished up. He was walking away when he turned round to see the dog chowing down on this turd. John ran round to tell us. Two minutes later the old lady came out with a cups of tea for us all. Digby came running round. The old lady squated down to stroke the dog when it started licking her face. It still had warm winnets in it's whiskers. To top it all off she said "urg, Digby, have you beeen rolling in something?"