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Last night I went out to the pub with a friend and for the second time in as many weeks some random, drunken dickhead felt an irresistible, almost magnetic attraction to me.

I am talking about the slightly unhinged, bi-polar, self loathing bellend who of course thinks he is as hard as ten men, and that I am somehow interested in his opinions and posturing.

Two weeks ago it was some illiterate pikey t**t and his equally obnoxious 20 stone wife, and last night it was some bald headed fool from Leicester.

Now what I want to know is why me??


I have been in an almost unprecedented good mood for a year now, especially the last few months and so it cannot be anything I said as I am almost frighteningly friendly to people.

This fool last night began having a go at my rather dapper Swaine Adeney & Brigg jacket before staring at me and mumbling under his breath. I was then treated to comments such as 'I am watching you', combined with ‘menacing’ winks and when I went to the bar he even moved position to stand right next to me.

Now 15 years ago I would have thought this was brilliant and delighted in beating his head off the bar, but I have grown up since then, so why can’t he use his superpowers to detect that?

Do any other Arrsers have a magical ability to attract gobshites in pubs and if so, any suggestion as to why so they can be avoided in future?

You must stop facing North so much

 

[the_boy_syrup]

Last night I went out to the pub with a friend and for the second time in as many weeks some random, drunken dickhead felt an irresistible, almost magnetic attraction to me.

I am talking about the slightly unhinged, bi-polar, self loathing bellend who of course thinks he is as hard as ten men, and that I am somehow interested in his opinions and posturing.

Two weeks ago it was some illiterate pikey t**t and his equally obnoxious 20 stone wife, and last night it was some bald headed fool from Leicester.

Now what I want to know is why me??


I have been in an almost unprecedented good mood for a year now, especially the last few months and so it cannot be anything I said as I am almost frighteningly friendly to people.

This fool last night began having a go at my rather dapper Swaine Adeney & Brigg jacket before staring at me and mumbling under his breath. I was then treated to comments such as 'I am watching you', combined with ‘menacing’ winks and when I went to the bar he even moved position to stand right next to me.

Now 15 years ago I would have thought this was brilliant and delighted in beating his head off the bar, but I have grown up since then, so why can’t he use his superpowers to detect that?

Do any other Arrsers have a magical ability to attract gobshites in pubs and if so, any suggestion as to why so they can be avoided in future?

I don't remember talking to you although the jacket rings a bell

 

[LordVonHarley]

drunken dickhead felt an irresistible, almost magnetic attraction to me.

I was then treated to comments such as 'I am watching you', combined with winks and when I went to the bar he even moved position to stand right next to me.

Looks like he was flirting with you

 

[BlotBangRub]

drunken dickhead felt an irresistible, almost magnetic attraction to me.

I was then treated to comments such as 'I am watching you', combined with winks and when I went to the bar he even moved position to stand right next to me.

Looks like he was flirting with you

Perhaps he was struggling with his sexuality, finding my slight 'gayness' attractive.

 

[BlotBangRub]

drunken dickhead felt an irresistible, almost magnetic attraction to me.

I was then treated to comments such as 'I am watching you', combined with winks and when I went to the bar he even moved position to stand right next to me.

Looks like he was flirting with you

Perhaps he was struggling with his sexuality, finding my slight 'gayness' attractive.

He might have learned his chat up technique in prison.
Stage one - Let the target know he is a target
Stage two - flirt and wink
Stage three - follow the target into the toilets and beat target into a coma and consumate your love by buggering untill his hoop colapses.
Stage four - spoon.

I hope not, I hate spooning.

 

[taboo]

drunken dickhead felt an irresistible, almost magnetic attraction to me.

I was then treated to comments such as 'I am watching you', combined with winks and when I went to the bar he even moved position to stand right next to me.

Looks like he was flirting with you

Mr lordy,You seem to know about these things!

 

[LordVonHarley]

drunken dickhead felt an irresistible, almost magnetic attraction to me.

I was then treated to comments such as 'I am watching you', combined with winks and when I went to the bar he even moved position to stand right next to me.

Looks like he was flirting with you

Mr lordy,You seem to know about these things!

I was stalking BlotBangRub at the time, every one should have a hobby don't you know!

 

[BlotBangRub]

drunken dickhead felt an irresistible, almost magnetic attraction to me.

I was then treated to comments such as 'I am watching you', combined with winks and when I went to the bar he even moved position to stand right next to me.

Looks like he was flirting with you

Mr lordy,You seem to know about these things!

I was stalking BlotBangRub at the time, every one should have a hobby don't you know!

Stalking Arrsers is my hobby, there could be copyright problems here.

 

[tangosix]

Last night I went out to the pub with a friend and for the second time in as many weeks some random, drunken dickhead felt an irresistible, almost magnetic attraction to me.

I am talking about the slightly unhinged, bi-polar, self loathing bellend who of course thinks he is as hard as ten men, and that I am somehow interested in his opinions and posturing.

Two weeks ago it was some illiterate pikey t**t and his equally obnoxious 20 stone wife, and last night it was some bald headed fool from Leicester.

Now what I want to know is why me??


I have been in an almost unprecedented good mood for a year now, especially the last few months and so it cannot be anything I said as I am almost frighteningly friendly to people.

This fool last night began having a go at my rather dapper Swaine Adeney & Brigg jacket before staring at me and mumbling under his breath. I was then treated to comments such as 'I am watching you', combined with ‘menacing’ winks and when I went to the bar he even moved position to stand right next to me.

Now 15 years ago I would have thought this was brilliant and delighted in beating his head off the bar, but I have grown up since then, so why can’t he use his superpowers to detect that?

Do any other Arrsers have a magical ability to attract gobshites in pubs and if so, any suggestion as to why so they can be avoided in future?

Hello BlotBangRub,

are you by any chance Michael Yon?

http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wp/danger-close-chapter-one.htm

tangosix

 

[ViolentBadger]

just punch his fcukin' lights out FFS! If he's being aggressive towards you then he's asking for it, slap the tw@t out of his socks.

agreed. its all well and good being 'grown up' and 'not sinking to their level' etc. but some people are just asking for it.

in future, a nice aggressive 'fack off!'. if irritation persists, deck him.

possibly slap his wife/troll/chavvedupmongwoman just for good measure.

I'd deck wife/troll/chavvedupmongwoman first

 

[Machristo]

Last night I went out to the pub with a friend and for the second time in as many weeks some random, drunken dickhead felt an irresistible, almost magnetic attraction to me.

I am talking about the slightly unhinged, bi-polar, self loathing bellend who of course thinks he is as hard as ten men, and that I am somehow interested in his opinions and posturing.

Two weeks ago it was some illiterate pikey t**t and his equally obnoxious 20 stone wife, and last night it was some bald headed fool from Leicester.

Now what I want to know is why me??


I have been in an almost unprecedented good mood for a year now, especially the last few months and so it cannot be anything I said as I am almost frighteningly friendly to people.

This fool last night began having a go at my rather dapper Swaine Adeney & Brigg jacket before staring at me and mumbling under his breath. I was then treated to comments such as 'I am watching you', combined with ‘menacing’ winks and when I went to the bar he even moved position to stand right next to me.

Now 15 years ago I would have thought this was brilliant and delighted in beating his head off the bar, but I have grown up since then, so why can’t he use his superpowers to detect that?

Do any other Arrsers have a magical ability to attract gobshites in pubs and if so, any suggestion as to why so they can be avoided in future?

What pub were you in?

 

[milsum]

...dapper Swaine Adeney & Brigg jacket..

There's yer problem.

I would have fitted in better in this particular establishment had I been clad head to toe in polyester and got myself a few tatoos, but frankly I would rather maintain the dignity that comes with being beaten up for your beliefs than compromise my standards that far.

Is a jacket a belief?

Never look too happy in a pub. It scares the locals, who are by definition miserable b@stards or they would be elsewhere having a good time.

 

[Biped]

Last night I went out to the pub with a friend and for the second time in as many weeks some random, drunken dickhead felt an irresistible, almost magnetic attraction to me.

I am talking about the slightly unhinged, bi-polar, self loathing bellend who of course thinks he is as hard as ten men, and that I am somehow interested in his opinions and posturing.

Two weeks ago it was some illiterate pikey t**t and his equally obnoxious 20 stone wife, and last night it was some bald headed fool from Leicester.

Now what I want to know is why me??


I have been in an almost unprecedented good mood for a year now, especially the last few months and so it cannot be anything I said as I am almost frighteningly friendly to people.

This fool last night began having a go at my rather dapper Swaine Adeney & Brigg jacket before staring at me and mumbling under his breath. I was then treated to comments such as 'I am watching you', combined with ‘menacing’ winks and when I went to the bar he even moved position to stand right next to me.

Now 15 years ago I would have thought this was brilliant and delighted in beating his head off the bar, but I have grown up since then, so why can’t he use his superpowers to detect that?

Do any other Arrsers have a magical ability to attract gobshites in pubs and if so, any suggestion as to why so they can be avoided in future?

People have a need to gravitate to others they can relate to. Often it is due to similarities in personality. Not a dig, just an unbiased observation.

 

[Dilfor]

I would have fitted in better in this particular establishment had I been clad head to toe in polyester and got myself a few tatoos, but frankly I would rather maintain the dignity that comes with being beaten up for your beliefs than compromise my standards that far.

Well thats your problem right there. You're going into a pub full of nasty illiterate shell-suited retards, therefore the chances of one of them deciding to talk to you is pretty dam high!
Try drinking in a nice country pub, problem solved!


Edited to say: O my god Garhwal you physics nerd!

No zir. We don't like em gayers in our village pub, neither, I tell thee.

 

[BlotBangRub]

...dapper Swaine Adeney & Brigg jacket..

There's yer problem.

I would have fitted in better in this particular establishment had I been clad head to toe in polyester and got myself a few tatoos, but frankly I would rather maintain the dignity that comes with being beaten up for your beliefs than compromise my standards that far.

Is a jacket a belief?
Never look too happy in a pub. It scares the locals, who are by definition miserable b@stards or they would be elsewhere having a good time.

Milsum, with me, I am afraid it is.

I am that shallow.

I guess you are right, as for various reasons I am almost insufferably happy, and maybe that is what annoyed?

PS Biped, f**k you!

 

[BigPete007]

He might have learned his chat up technique in prison.
Stage one - Let the target know he is a target
Stage two - flirt and wink
Stage three - follow the target into the toilets and beat target into a coma and consumate your love by buggering untill his hoop colapses.
Stage four - spoon.

Stage five - throw said body into the pool and go for years defending themselves, while deceased father continues to claim his son was "a special boy".

 

[Trotsky]

Last night I went out to the pub with a friend and for the second time in as many weeks some random, drunken dickhead felt an irresistible, almost magnetic attraction to me.

I am talking about the slightly unhinged, bi-polar, self loathing bellend who of course thinks he is as hard as ten men, and that I am somehow interested in his opinions and posturing.

Two weeks ago it was some illiterate pikey t**t and his equally obnoxious 20 stone wife, and last night it was some bald headed fool from Leicester.

Now what I want to know is why me??


I have been in an almost unprecedented good mood for a year now, especially the last few months and so it cannot be anything I said as I am almost frighteningly friendly to people.

This fool last night began having a go at my rather dapper Swaine Adeney & Brigg jacket before staring at me and mumbling under his breath. I was then treated to comments such as 'I am watching you', combined with ‘menacing’ winks and when I went to the bar he even moved position to stand right next to me.

Now 15 years ago I would have thought this was brilliant and delighted in beating his head off the bar, but I have grown up since then, so why can’t he use his superpowers to detect that?

Do any other Arrsers have a magical ability to attract gobshites in pubs and if so, any suggestion as to why so they can be avoided in future?

The reason they latch on to you is that I am not there. I am team sh1tmagnet and can't turn it off off duty. Should you need to go for a few beers let me know and I'll go and sit in the snug and take the heat off you

Trotsky

 

[BlotBangRub]

Cheers Trotsky!

It must be a cop thing.

 

[DozyBint]

I would have fitted in better in this particular establishment had I been clad head to toe in polyester and got myself a few tatoos, but frankly I would rather maintain the dignity that comes with being beaten up for your beliefs than compromise my standards that far.

Bowlocks! You just aren't man enough to deal with the unending static-electric shocks that come from wearing man-made fibres!