Splashing - Is It Time To Go Muslim

Piss on the lawn. It sets a good example to the dog and half a roll of turf once in a while is a small price to pay.

A mate sent me this photo because he knows how much I value my collection of photographs of piss burnt grass with a bit of turf stamped into it.

View attachment 500218

My morning routine with the degs around 4am. Quick patrol and a wazz in the pool area before heading indoors for a brew and make their brekker.

Where me and Little Man wazz is slightly burned, but Big Girl does some serious scorched earth stuff. Hormonal?
 
Urinate in the shower, larger surface area so no wee on the carpet (do people still carpet bathrooms?), tiles etc.

Turn shower on for a few minutes and the evidence is gone, (Note to self, step out of the shower when you turn it on).

Job jobbed etc.
I don't do multi tasking...
 
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Londo

LE
After 42 years of purgatory wedded bliss, I think I've my mate has finally been rumbled. His SWMBO is asking if he wouldn't mind sitting down to urinate.

Thirty years ago I could push a fag end from one end of a six foot long urinal and back again in a single sustained squirt. The stream was that strong it could unblock a toilet, and remove mortar from a Brickies trowel.

These days I could cover a square yard of grass or soak someone elses boots standing three feet away.

So, inevitably when SWMBO is on ROP's Ablution cleaning detail, fings ain't what they used to be if you get my drift. So I am wondering if now is a good time to follow the example of those of the fafe in the belief that it's the right thing to do for reasons of hygiene and religion and stuff. Or would this be going against my European Human Rights as a man to be able to stand up when urinating.

Or is SWMBO out of order and needs to wear two pairs of Marigolds and STFU.



Now that really is taking the piss .
 
I have to confess that when I have to get up for my 3am pee in the pitch black I shuffle into the en suite without putting the light on (with obligatory fan) and sit to do the business so that I don’t wake and incur the wrath of SWMBO. Otherwise I stand and squirt like a good un.
 

Yokel

LE
Tell her to stand up. Maybe then she'll appreciate what a good job you're still currently making of things.

It's about time they started appreciating us.

I believe that if you search the internet you can find videos of that. You could have a precise passing competition to see who has the smallest error. Fun for everyone - including friends and same sex couples.

Or you could try doing a handstand first, and enjoy your own golden shower.
 

Chef

LE
OP hand in anything manly you own and buy a frock

Nailed it my friend.

From the German article below:

'There is also a derogatory term for men who sit and pee - “Sitzpinkler” - which implies that it is not masculine behavior.'
 
I have to confess that when I have to get up for my 3am pee in the pitch black I shuffle into the en suite without putting the light on (with obligatory fan) and sit to do the business so that I don’t wake and incur the wrath of SWMBO. Otherwise I stand and squirt like a good un.
Ahem...

 
My morning routine with the degs around 4am. Quick patrol and a wazz in the pool area before heading indoors for a brew and make their brekker.

Where me and Little Man wazz is slightly burned, but Big Girl does some serious scorched earth stuff. Hormonal?
I was getting odd patches in my front lawn. Serious chemical warfare scorches. Then I saw a vixen pissing one night, and the penny dropped.
Mum and dad’s old spaniel bitch could, and did, ruin lawns by pishing on them. Something in female dog wee does not agree with turf.
 

Teeblerone

War Hero
Do what I do : gaffa tape your bell-end to just above your knee, then you can aim nearer the bowl.

Only trouble is I kick myself in the face everytime I get a stiffy :(
 

Yokel

LE
1. The sight picture should be correct.
2. The penis must point naturally at the target with no undue effort.
3. Breathing must be controlled.
4. The piss must be released and followed through.

'Followed through' is dubious advice given the ARRSE age profile and the health and alcohol issues experienced by some users.
 
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