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Splashing - Is It Time To Go Muslim

After 42 years of purgatory wedded bliss, I think I've my mate has finally been rumbled. His SWMBO is asking if he wouldn't mind sitting down to urinate.

Thirty years ago I could push a fag end from one end of a six foot long urinal and back again in a single sustained squirt. The stream was that strong it could unblock a toilet, and remove mortar from a Brickies trowel.

These days I could cover a square yard of grass or soak someone elses boots standing three feet away.

So, inevitably when SWMBO is on ROP's Ablution cleaning detail, fings ain't what they used to be if you get my drift. So I am wondering if now is a good time to follow the example of those of the fafe in the belief that it's the right thing to do for reasons of hygiene and religion and stuff. Or would this be going against my European Human Rights as a man to be able to stand up when urinating.

Or is SWMBO out of order and needs to wear two pairs of Marigolds and STFU.



 
After 42 years of purgatory wedded bliss, I think I've my mate has finally been rumbled. His SWMBO is asking if he wouldn't mind sitting down to urinate.

Thirty years ago I could push a fag end from one end of a six foot long urinal and back again in a single sustained squirt. The stream was that strong it could unblock a toilet, and remove mortar from a Brickies trowel.

These days I could cover a square yard of grass or soak someone elses boots standing three feet away.

So, inevitably when SWMBO is on ROP's Ablution cleaning detail, fings ain't what they used to be if you get my drift. So I am wondering if now is a good time to follow the example of those of the fafe in the belief that it's the right thing to do for reasons of hygiene and religion and stuff. Or would this be going against my European Human Rights as a man to be able to stand up when urinating.

Or is SWMBO out of order and needs to wear two pairs of Marigolds and STFU.



Blimey,

For a minute I thought that our Muslim brethren were now 'splashing' in the same way as another culture do (mainly in London).

 

WALT

LE
Pffft. It's about time you started putting on a frock.
This is purely a feminism driven concept in order to bring men down. Women can have children. We can piss standing up, yet they want to take away this simple pleasure from us.
Resist brother!
However, as a magnanimous man, you can offer to compromise in order to assuage their delicate feelings, and install one of these:-

DV_8_5194185_01_4c_DE_20151107194226.jpg


As to sitting down to piss, never! This is why the world is being overrun by dickless snowflakes. If you're going to go down that route, you may as well lob it off now.
 
Your friend may as well get ahead of the curve and get some Tena mans pants.Then you he can swamp anywhere and if the wife feels left out she can wait until their full wring them out hang em up and they're ready to go. They may well make him stink of piss but after 42 years of marriage that's inevitable.
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
Stand proud! :)
 

goodoldboy

MIA
Book Reviewer
After 42 years of purgatory wedded bliss, I think I've my mate has finally been rumbled. His SWMBO is asking if he wouldn't mind sitting down to urinate.

Thirty years ago I could push a fag end from one end of a six foot long urinal and back again in a single sustained squirt. The stream was that strong it could unblock a toilet, and remove mortar from a Brickies trowel.

These days I could cover a square yard of grass or soak someone elses boots standing three feet away.

So, inevitably when SWMBO is on ROP's Ablution cleaning detail, fings ain't what they used to be if you get my drift. So I am wondering if now is a good time to follow the example of those of the fafe in the belief that it's the right thing to do for reasons of hygiene and religion and stuff. Or would this be going against my European Human Rights as a man to be able to stand up when urinating.

Or is SWMBO out of order and needs to wear two pairs of Marigolds and STFU.



If you need to ask us bunch of bastards whether you should stand up or sit down for a piss in your own toilet then you've got too much time on your hands mate...
 
Urinate in the shower, larger surface area so no wee on the carpet (do people still carpet bathrooms?), tiles etc.

Turn shower on for a few minutes and the evidence is gone, (Note to self, step out of the shower when you turn it on).

Job jobbed etc.
 

DarkBrig

War Hero
Just pee in or on the bed, the mattress acts like a handy sponge, two minutes with a hair dryer and she will never know, honest
 

anglo

LE
@Club Swinger,
Shove a plastic straw up your Japs eye, that will keep the piss flow on
the straight and narrow, if that doesn't do the trick, get yourself a funnel,
{just made sure you piss in the wide end of the funnel}
 
Urinate in the shower, larger surface area so no wee on the carpet (do people still carpet bathrooms?), tiles etc.

Turn shower on for a few minutes and the evidence is gone, (Note to self, step out of the shower when you turn it on).

Job jobbed etc.

Added benefit - it's good for tinea.
 
Piss on the lawn. It sets a good example to the dog and half a roll of turf once in a while is a small price to pay.

A mate sent me this photo because he knows how much I value my collection of photographs of piss burnt grass with a bit of turf stamped into it.

0B54479F-4D51-4BE6-885D-CD951ECB8775.jpeg
 

Chef

LE
'I bet he squats to pee.'

This is not usually an indication of respect from the speaker.
 
Move to France.
Plus side, you can piss virtually anywhere.
Minus side, it's full of French people.







plus side, you can piss on them.
 
Just pee in or on the bed, the mattress acts like a handy sponge, two minutes with a hair dryer and she will never know, honest
Does your chewing gum lose its flavour on the bed post overnight?
 

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