Spiteful Revenge on Dogs & Owners

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by PandaLOVE, May 4, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. A bush on a grassy area across the street has become the personal toilet for dogs in the area. Owners bring them in droves. :x

    Twisted ARRSErs what powders, potions, traps, witchcraft etc. do you know of that will make these animals go loopy, run in front of cars or turn and eat their stupid fcuking owners?
  2. Trans-sane

    Trans-sane LE Book Reviewer

    If the dogs sniff about a lot you could try dusting the area with anphetamines. Or Cocaine. Or both if you are feeling particularly nasty.
  3. I would use one of these:


  4. Fcuk off!!! Reason has no place within these walls!

    Air rifle would be good. Or tranquiliser-laced sausages. Or maybe follow them home and take a shite outside his front door.
  5. or laxatives perhaps?
  6. Four ignorant dog owners brought their dogs to the same bush in less than half an hour this evening. I imagine I would have been told to fcuk off by approaching any of them politely so the nastier the revenge the better. Besides, to introduce yourself by introduction will have your cards marked when something happens to their dogs. I'll have the upper hand and fun on this issue thanks v. much!
  7. If you used the alarm mine you wouldn't need a laxative for the dog! :)
  8. A burst of concentrated small arms fire will probably do the trick, if not fill a tuppaware bowl with some molten lava and pour in on the dogs back while it crimps on off.

    Remember to wear safety gloves when picking up hot stuff from a volcano
  9. Wait until the dog has done it´s business, then as the owner walks off, run out pick up the still warm dog pie and throw it at the owner.

    Shout something not abusive like "You forgot to poop scoop" or similar.

    I´m a dog owner and I hate these people as much as anyone, it doesn´t take 2 secs to tidy up straight after, I even pick up other poos if they are close by to my dogs deposit.

    The sh1ts who leave dog poo are on a par with those who litter, or leave condoms or needles lying about.

    Failing that (seein as this is the NAAFI) a scythe blade set about chest height for a human. When a smellometer smells the poo, it starts a timer. After a certain time the scythe comes out and chops the bad owner in half, but leaving the dog un affected.

    If the owner is a good one, they will be bent over picking up the dogs deposit, so the blade will pass over them in a Raiders of the lost ark styleee.
  10. try the repost through the letter box issue usually works a treat i find that or smear it all over the aformentioned owners car window, and then using a latex covered glove you can do some imaginative doodles in it for them to view.

    Submitted by one pissed of puppy ha ha :x
  11. Post the turds throught the cnuts letterbox, or put in a shoebox with a sign labelled "Return to sender" and leave outside their door.
  12. Mongo

    Mongo LE Reviewer

    Edited for being an idiot: Yeah, the alarm mines would be good..

    Set up a few so that they go off when the owner runs away from the first one!
  13. alarm mines
    put the resulting video on utube :D
    nothing says go away like a 12 bore blank :D
  14. Some very extreme yet excellent ideas. I have an air pistol but I don't think this would cause enough pain on the hounds. With my balcony window open I want to be able to hear the dogs whimper. I don't want to long term harm the dog but accidental death of dogs would be OK.

    There's dog haters forums out there FFS! 'Mild' poisen seems a fun bet at the mo'.

    P.S. Is taking out a guide dog fair game?