Spill the beans to the tabloids in here!


I once saw some norty men doing rude things to a stripper.
(mind you it made getting to the bar a lot easier!)


Book Reviewer
I have pictures of naked Royal Marines fighting.... sorry you've got loads, ok

I have pictures of Royal Navy people drinking loads then going whorin.... right, as well?? OK

How about a Crab working on a Sat.

Thought you would be interested.
I once got drunk on a Wednesday night. And went into work hungover, I still feel ashamed even now, after all these years :roll:

I've got a picture of me with my finger up a welsh girls arse.

Why? Well, why not?
I harmed three children with a pair of ppincers and a one metre length of drain rod

For a significant amount I will lead you to their graves
I once got bust for a border incident on the East German border, involving snow, cans of coke and East German border guards.

Bidding starts at £2000.

Extra £2000 for the photos.
I farted in Buckingham Palace. Fortunately no-one noticed as there was a politician in the vicinity so attributed the stench to him


Book Reviewer
Guns said:
How about a Crab working on a Sat.

I have heard some whoppers in my time
Are you hoping that the Sport is looking on here?
Not even Tom Newton - Dunce would buy that one :D
Christ! All my dodginess is flooding back, I should write a 4 page book.
One involved a girl wearing nothing but my smock and me wearing nothing but a P helmet!

Daily Sport, if you're reading this one will cost you!
I killed the President of Paraguay with a spork....

You might have seen the bit on Gross point blanke where it is attributed to that charachter. Well that was me.


I've still got a roll of Green Army String and one of those big yellow handled screw drivers from a CES, it's got the crows foot on it and everything.

Oh, and I once kicked the cr@p out of a civvie at the famous Owls bar & dance review in Tenby, does this count.


Book Reviewer
I once drank non - alcholic beer
Then there was the tale of the married wraf,the crew room,the co's car then the oc's desk oh we could be here all day :)
I rape and abuse myself most weekends, but am too afraid to stand up against myself for the fear of what I can do when nobody's looking.
Here's a massive revelation for those bastions of the pursuit of truth in journalism that peruse the "hallowed halls" of ARRSE.

I recently got emailed by "a contact" I know, who got a text off a bloke they know, who said that they regularly hit the turps with this bloke in a pub they knew who swore blind his sister knew this bloke who was dating the girl, who knew the cousin of the brother of the sister of the uncle, that the step-son wasn't speaking to but had written a letter to once, who walked past the mum of the girl who was stalking the nephew of one of the drinking buddies of the bloke whose missus was the typist for the bloke who once thought he saw the guy who said he took a wazz behind a skip in Aldershot, as a bet off a bloke, who was living with the sister of a bint who was dating one of...Them :wink:

...and what he said was that he found it was a bit hot and dusty when he was last in Iraq.

Now when you quote me it's spelt M..i..z..k..r..i..s..s..i
Ooh ooh...me too...

It's spelled "Heywood Jablowme"

(the Jablowme Tartan is derived from the Campbell Clan....yes...Alistair)

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