Spike Milligan

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Tell you what fellas, do yourself a favour and have another read of Spike Milligans six-part war reminiscences.

After reading the first one fifteen years ago, someone bought me the whole set recently and i've been ploughing through them.

That bloke got the sense of humour and mistrust of authority of the average squaddy just right.

When he gets to his first working unit, he gets bollocked at the guardroom for being late, by the duty NCO.

"Milligan, where the fcuk have you been?"
"I've been busy."
"I've been busy, BOMBARDIER!!!"
"I'm a Bombardier, already?"

Convoy, Spike was one of my hero's as a youngster. Can you remember his 'Q' series in the 70's? Pakistani Darleks and jokes abound about Hitler and the Irish !! A great entertainer.
i have a 9 year old who is a big fan of Spike's poems "In the ning nang nong where the cows go bong", god knows how the mans brain worked but he was brilliant.



I was a touch young for the Q series, but have always liked the bloke. Mad as a Hatter, and capable of scaring the sh*t out of anyone who interviewed him.

Even when he's describing events in North Africa in '43, you can see him paving the way for the Goons then Monty Python and the rest.


Got that book, tried reading it to my 4 year old but he accused me of talking bollocks, sorry, more bollocks than usual.


He describes another scene when one of his mates was on guard, in Bexhill-on-sea. He heard a thudding coming from outside the front gate and went to investigate.

One of the blokes was shagging a local girl at the bus-stop and every time he gave a thrust she was banging the back of her head of the shelter.

The guard waited till the guy was on vinegars then shouted

"Halt, who comes there." The shagger ran off leaving the girl stood there with her trolleys round her ankle.

What did the guard do? The decent thing of course. He got her to hold his rifle and finished her off.
Another of Spike's which is well worth a read is a little gem called "Puckoon".

"Caw" said the crow, "B@lls" said the Milligan. :lol:
.....His normal trick, was to bend an iron bar over his biceps. Not sure what happened, but he broke his arm, and exited stage left , muttering "Oh Fcuk" in Hungarian..

"Want a cigarette mate?"


"Greedy Kraut sod, I only got 6 left" lol (From Q8 I think)

The entire series of books are well worth a read, as well as giving an insight into the PTSD that Spike undoubtedly suffered.

He's missed
Just dug this up about 'Q'. If you have never seen any of the Q series, I can only describe it as 30 minutes of a show put on by the local loony asylum:

Spike Milligans’ Q defies description, but that isn’t going to stop us trying.

The very, very odd sketch show first aired in 1969 as Q5 ( - more series followed, oddly enough numbered Q6, Q7, Q8 and Q9) and throughout the years featured luminaries such as Peter Jones, David Lodge and Chris Langham.

‘Q’ gave carte blanche to Spike Milligan’s freeform, surreal wit. Some of the time you'd be sat there in total incomprehension, but the rest of the time you'd cry with laughter. The sketches came thick and fast, stopping with no apparent conclusion, running into one another, making outrageous leaps from one subject or location to another. Even the costumes were madcap and contradictory - everyone was labelled with luggage tags, and our Spike seemed to have a fondness for large noses and hats.

A lot of contemporary comedians like Vic and Bob couldn’t do what they do without this groundbreaking predecessor: even the Monty Python team namechecked Q as an influence. We wouldn't go as far as to say it is timeless - that's a term reserved for gentle sitcoms, and this is much stronger stuff- but it is one of the finest moments of one of the greatest men of British comedy.


Remember being brought up on Milligan, Sellars, Bentine and Seacombe. Me dear departed father would sit us down in front of an old Sanyo spool tape deck and play Goons over and over again. Even at the age of four, I was hooked! No idea why I laugh at unfortunate RTA's to this day!

Milligan was the Grandad of 'alternative comedy' in the days of 'music hall shenanigans'. Charlie Chester was as funny as a freak yachting accident compared to Milligan. Funny walks and 'I say, I say, I say' jokes didn't cut it when he and his ilk fell onto the scene. Like man discovering fire.

Your quite right regarding Spikes literature. I re-read 'Hitler and my part in his downfall' not too long ago and it had me pi55ing myself for a good few days, the memsahb thought I'd finally lost the plot.
Total nut job who suffered manic depression throughout his life. Remember his Parkie interview, classic! We need another manic depressive lunatic to rekindle the spark of todays lifeless, limp PC 'comiedians.


Saved me the typing on the above post Flash! used to listen to the Goons wiv me dad years ago, read a classic by Spike a few years back called the Bedside Milligan, or as he called it, the Millside Bedigan, cant seem to find it anywhere online or in a book shop, it had an obscure pencil drawing of a gnu in it with ten o'clock written inside the figure. He called it the ten o'clock gnus! have never forgotten Spike, there was a man who I would have loved to meet at a very posh place and just laughed and not cared who was gettin annoyed!!! Genious..... :lol: :lol: :lol:


The sad thing we have all done atleast one of the things he mentions in his war memoirs! I've done about 5!

The boot polish trick, being late for mobilisation, running out of southern England- to run around. Having the $hit OC, crap food etc.....!

Plus he suffered at the hands of his OC in Italy, to the point of suffering PTSD and from which he never really recovered.

Great comedian and a superb soldier icon!
I read Spike's books before I joined and laughed - read them again once I had been in for a few years and nearly gave myself a hernia rolling around the floor. How many of his readers have wanted to do this;

Sgt calling names out on muster parade

'Yes Sgt'
'Why did you not answer the first time ?'
'I was brining some tension into your life Sgt'
'I will bring some tension into your life. Attention - kitchen fatigues for you'



Milligan on joining up:
OC: Why are you a week late?
M: Sorry Sir, I'll fight nights.

'And that bloody awful Warsaw Concerto'

We were issued with emergency rations, -'Only to be eaten when surrounded by the enemy'- That night in the billet, surrounded by the enemy, we ate the chocolate.

Orderly Oficer at lunch-
'Any complaints?'
M: 'Whats this'
OO: 'Chef what is this?'
Chef: 'Its the crappy mystiquea'la de aldershots'

Guard: Halt, who goes there?
Soldier: Pi$$ off
Guard: Pass friend.

Nothing has changed!
Have read his war memoirs over and over again, the man was a genius. It goes to show that no matter how much technology we have most soldiers still think the same.

I heard that the inscription on his grave-stone is to be:
" I told you I was ill"

Sadly missed.
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