Spies - Recruitment - When will the coin drop?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by cernunnos, Jul 2, 2013.

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  1. I don't know about you but I'm fucking well sick of all this Snowden crap!

    What did he actually say:

    Ooh ooh miss, the CIA have been peeking at the T'internet behind the girl's toilets!


    Ooh ooh miss, the CIA have been spying on the filthy foreignors, including their bestest NATO mates!

    Well I for one would be quite shocked and amazed if they fucking didn't!

    The CIA has the same problems as our own intelligence services, they all recruit in the universities. Despite three quarters of a century of uselessness and treason they still haven't worked it out!

    In a nutshell:

    If you only employ useless spineless twats, who got to university by being teacher's pet and always dobbing in their mates, you end up with useless spineless spies dry bummed in sports bags who always dob in their mates!

    If your best candidates only exposure to hardship was a gippy tummy having drunk a half of snakebite in the student's union bar, he isn't going to be much use in a world sliding down a shitty slope.
    • Like Like x 9
  2. Whilst it must be common knowledge that everyone spies on everyone else, it is a matter of somethings are best lead unsaid.
    Considering the large amount of employees that the NSA must surely have, then Snowden represents a failurelow rate. However the problem boils down to "Quis custodiet ipso custodiens?"
  3. I work with Oxbridge's 'brightest and best'. It's a strange, twilight world where everyone tells each other how wonderfully talented they are, with nobody around to tell them they're really just thick cunts who are simply blagging it with a glorified hobby - and one that they've managed to convince someone to pay them a wage for. I wouldn't employ a single fucking one of them - the swan-hating, duck-murdering bastards!
  4. Turned you down, did they?
  5. I dont know about spineless, takes some nerve to grass on America, daft cunt, talk about choosing your battles.
    • Like Like x 1
  6. One issue is that the so called intelligence services want bright young things with a high level of computer skills. Now whilst some people with an aptitude for IT are complete party animals who like nothing more than spending the big bucks sniffing coke out of strippers tits down Shoreditch, these are not the type security services want.

    They want the type that played Dungeons and Dragons all night, count in binary and hex, consider anything created by Microsoft the devils spawn and have the interpersonal skills of a newt. Unfortunately once employed these individuals after a while develop a consequence and go blabbing to the first Jurno that shows them any interest.

    My advice go for the party animal, he has no consequence.
  7. Are you groping helplessly, like a blind mole, for the word 'conscience'?
    • Like Like x 2
  8. Possibly both.
  9. I knew about the swans from Tom Sharpe's novel Porterhouse Blue , but I had no idea that Oxbridge students were into wildfowling as well .
  10. seaweed

    seaweed LE Book Reviewer

  11. Can I just put it out there that I've got fuck loads of secrets and stuff so If any of the intelligence agency's want to try some "Honey trap" shit on me with one (or possibly 3) of there best, large breasted, cock sucking spunk garglers I'm up for it.
  12. The Kiwi SIS have a couple of sheep put aside just for you.

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