A very elderly gent shuffled into his G.P.'s surgery and asked his doctor for a sperm count. Trying to hide his mix of shock and amusement the doctor told him it was ridiculous, saying "At your age you're not going to be able to ejaculate, let alone produce semen containing sperm!!!" The 85 year old patient was furious and demanded the doctor take him seriously. So, with reluctance, the doctor handed him a small, plastic, specimen jar and told him to bring the sample in a weeks time. The following week, the patient returned with his jar. Somewhat smuggly, the G.P. looked at the jar and scoffed "Empty!!! .... I thought it would be." Obviously irritated, the old boy replied, " I tried .... 20 minutes with the right hand, then 20 minutes with the left hand. Then the wife had a go ..... first with the right hand ....then with the left hand .... then with her teeth in ....then with her teeth out. And could we get the lid of that f%&king jar??? No we f$@king well couldn't!!!"