speeding ticket

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by smallbrownprivates, May 15, 2006.

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  1. not me :oops: no bike any more, if true, wish could shake the hand of the man who did this

    While I was driving down the A1 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a policeman on the other side with a radar gun, laying in wait.

    The policeman pulled me over, walked up to the car and with that classic, patronising smirk, asked:
    "Runway too short"?
    To which I replied. "I'm late for work."
    To which he asked, "What do you do?"
    "I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.
    The policeman was surprised and confused.
    "A what? a rectum stretcher, and just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

    "Well," I said "I start by inserting one finger then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can stretch and stretch and then slowly but surely stretch the hole until it's about 6 feet wide"

    Then the policeman asked questioningly and cautiously. "And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"

    To which I replied, "You give it a radar gun and park it behind a bridge..."

    Speeding ticket: £105
    Court Costs: £45
    Look on copper's face: Priceless....
  2. sure you haven't got tourettes ? :lol:
  3. in_the_cheapseats

    in_the_cheapseats LE Moderator

    Superb :lol: :lol: :lol:
  4. This is me getting skiffed by the filth a couple of weeks ago. Nice straight road good visibility fcuk all traffic and a fixed penalty w**nkers.

  5. Is that your mums car?
  6. Yeah what are those cnuts like, giving you a ticket for doing something you know you shouldn't have been doing, it's worse than living in Nazi Germany.
  7. But the voices made me do it, mummy.
  8. nah its mine dont get paid much
  9. Hey a car's a car, better than a milkfloat..............unless you need milk
  10. Kangeroo Court session required, "driving mummies car at 88mph"

    i want to aquire an old 750iL and weld cow catchers to the front, i can then capture pandas, corsas, polos and anything with inadequate brakes, propel them to speeds in excess of 150mph and watch the brakes fade as i send them off the nearest motorway exit.........

    all for a few gallons of fuel in the V12 beast, cheap entertainment at its best...... :twisted:
  11. It would of been even better if you asked him if you could touch his helmet :lol:
  12. 'It would of been even better if you asked him if you could touch his helmet'

    He didnt stop me, i found out when i got the letter and a link to a website to view the evidence.
  13. Very Confucian Neal, I like it.
  14. Spot the monkey.