speeding ticket

#1
not me :oops: no bike any more, if true, wish could shake the hand of the man who did this

While I was driving down the A1 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a policeman on the other side with a radar gun, laying in wait.

The policeman pulled me over, walked up to the car and with that classic, patronising smirk, asked:
"Runway too short"?
To which I replied. "I'm late for work."
To which he asked, "What do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.
The policeman was surprised and confused.
"A what? a rectum stretcher, and just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said "I start by inserting one finger then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can stretch and stretch and then slowly but surely stretch the hole until it's about 6 feet wide"

Then the policeman asked questioningly and cautiously. "And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"

To which I replied, "You give it a radar gun and park it behind a bridge..."


Speeding ticket: £105
Court Costs: £45
Look on copper's face: Priceless....
 
#2
sure you haven't got tourettes ? :lol:
 
#3
smallbrownprivates said:
not me :oops: no bike any more, if true, wish could shake the hand of the man who did this

While I was driving down the A1 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a policeman on the other side with a radar gun, laying in wait.

The policeman pulled me over, walked up to the car and with that classic, patronising smirk, asked:
"Runway too short"?
To which I replied. "I'm late for work."
To which he asked, "What do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.
The policeman was surprised and confused.
"A what? a rectum stretcher, and just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said "I start by inserting one finger then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can stretch and stretch and then slowly but surely stretch the hole until it's about 6 feet wide"

Then the policeman asked questioningly and cautiously. "And just what do you do with a six-foot *?"

To which I replied, "You give it a radar gun and park it behind a bridge..."


Speeding ticket: £105
Court Costs: £45
Look on copper's face: Priceless....
Superb :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
#4
This is me getting skiffed by the filth a couple of weeks ago. Nice straight road good visibility fcuk all traffic and a fixed penalty w**nkers.

 
#6
elnoddo said:
This is me getting skiffed by the filth a couple of weeks ago. Nice straight road good visibility fcuk all traffic and a fixed penalty w**nkers.
Yeah what are those cnuts like, giving you a ticket for doing something you know you shouldn't have been doing, it's worse than living in Nazi Germany.
 
#10
The Lord Flasheart said:
Is that your mums car?
Kangeroo Court session required, "driving mummies car at 88mph"

i want to aquire an old 750iL and weld cow catchers to the front, i can then capture pandas, corsas, polos and anything with inadequate brakes, propel them to speeds in excess of 150mph and watch the brakes fade as i send them off the nearest motorway exit.........

all for a few gallons of fuel in the V12 beast, cheap entertainment at its best...... :twisted:
 
#12
'It would of been even better if you asked him if you could touch his helmet'

He didnt stop me, i found out when i got the letter and a link to a website to view the evidence.
 
#14
Neal said:
Hey a car's a car, better than a milkfloat..............unless you need milk
Very Confucian Neal, I like it.
 
#15
Death_Rowums said:
elnoddo said:
This is me getting skiffed by the filth a couple of weeks ago. Nice straight road good visibility fcuk all traffic and a fixed penalty w**nkers.
Yeah what are those cnuts like, giving you a ticket for doing something you know you shouldn't have been doing, it's worse than living in Nazi Germany.
Spot the monkey.
 
#16
Hire a car in Dublin. The nice men at the hire company will even deliver the vehicle to Holyhead for you.

In my part of the world speeding Irish motorists are ignored and any speed camera images shredded/deleted. Apparently it costs the police something in the region of £400 to go through the Irish legal system to get their 80 quid. As the whole exercise is about revenue raising rather than road safety, they don't bother.

Anyone noticed the large number of crappy French (mostly stolen) cars in London? French plates don't get congestion charged.
 
#18
the_guru said:
Death_Rowums said:
Yeah what are those cnuts like, giving you a ticket for doing something you know you shouldn't have been doing, it's worse than living in Nazi Germany.
Spot the monkey.
That's low you barsteward. It just gets on my nerves when people complain about speeding tickets, when you know that you're chancing getting a ticket when you speed. Either don't speed, or just take the ticket on the chin.
 
#19
Mate, are you a monkey?? And secondly, to open up the issue (again) Speed doesn't kill. It is the use of speed in the wrong place and time that kills. By all means stick a camera outside every school in the country and drop the limit to 20. Answer this mate, how many drunk or stoned drivers has a camera ever caught? Or dickhe@ds on the phone or sending texts? Or drivers without insurance ? or MOT failures? Speed is a factor in less than a third of accidents. Cameras have their place, but most of the time are a cash cow. Now you are also going to tell me that you have never broken any law?
 
#20
the_guru said:
Mate, are you a monkey?? And secondly, to open up the issue (again) Speed doesn't kill. It is the use of speed in the wrong place and time that kills. By all means stick a camera outside every school in the country and drop the limit to 20. Answer this mate, how many drunk or stoned drivers has a camera ever caught? Or dickhe@ds on the phone or sending texts? Or drivers without insurance ? or MOT failures? Speed is a factor in less than a third of accidents. Cameras have their place, but most of the time are a cash cow. Now you are also going to tell me that you have never broken any law?
No I'm not a monkey.

Easy there fella, I'm not really arguing with you, you are quite right. I suppose what I mean is, the laws are what they are, and you don't get to pick and choose which ones to follow. Well you can, but then if you get caught you get the consequences. So instead of moaning, perhaps a more productive idea might be to march on parliament or something of the like, to get the laws changed.

I know I sound a bit like a monkey with all this 'obey the law' crap. But we all know what happens when you break the law, so why complain when you get caught breaking it?
 
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