"special to job" injuries/illnesses.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by shortfuse, Nov 10, 2005.

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  1. Those who know me will know that i have recently left my previous employer (under a bit of a cloud i might add) and am now gainfully employed by a European shopfitting company...

    during my first week on the tools in Madrid i contracted something which none of my fellow co workers had the good grace to warn me about, and which very nearly "took me daaahn" to the point where every step was a torturous living hell on earth ....

    "shop fitters ring"

    this manifests itself as a red roar chaffing of the lower ARRSE cheeks, and scrot bag caused by excessive sweating in the "nethers" and crawling about building stuff in a shopping centre that never dipped below 35 degrees (the spanish were all walking around in duffle coats) ....

    Now, when a young and inexperienced shortfuse first showed an interest in joining up ... his Father, after numerous attempts to talk him out of it, imparted him with these words of wisdom

    "son, you only need to take care of two things in the army ... your feet and your ARRSEhole..."

    somewhat confused, (i thought he meant that i needed to be aware of being gang raped up the sh1tter, and needed to be fleet of foot to escape) I never paid much attention to it.... until my first end of term excercise on Brecon, where lo and behold after being wet through and trudging up hill and down dale for 5 days my 'aris felt like someone had been wiping it with a mixture of broken glass, angry wasps and chilli sauce... and i realised the true pain of a chapped bot... from that ex. on i never left home without a pot of suda cream to ease my cheeks :D

    now, back at the digs i inspected the damage, and it looked like i'd been walking around with a lipstick between my ARRSE cheeks all day, and as i showered and my screams subsided to whimpers my roomy produced the life saver i was looking for .... suda cream .... relief from the pain .... sheer bliss....

    next morning in hotel reception, i was waiting for the lads to come down to get in the van, now it was pretty busy and the receptionists were a pair of crackers... I felt a slight tingle so turned to my oppo and asked him if he had "it" with him ...

    "what ... your bum cream ... are you off to get lubed up again" he proclaimed, flourishing the tub for all to see ...

    I ripped it from his grasp and retreated to the bathroom to sort myself out with the sound of laughter following me up the stairs ....

    Got my revenge though, i made sure i second knuckled myself in the wrong un and gave it a nice stir into his pot .... "f ucking ave that mate" i chuckled to myself.

    So ... what are your tales of an injury that is specific to your trade ???
     
  2. Same injury sustained when working as a baker, especially 8 hour shifts on ovens. We diagnosed condition as "Baker's Arrsehole"
     
  3. whilst working on a Challenger 1 in germany lying over the ACTOC trying desperately to release the GUE fan cable. it was that tight that i nearly shat myself a few times with the physical effort i was putting in to release it. when it finally did release i pulled the fan up and smacked myself straight in the eye with it. result was a 1" very deep gash in my eyebrowand lots of stars and dizzyness
     
  4. I've had to work for as few arrseholes and they made my working life painful. Funnily enough though, the symptoms disappeared almost immediatley the day they or I were posted.