Speaka da lingo ?

#1
Having failed miserably at learning to talk English proper like I decided I should try to pick up some German lingo in time for my next jolly to the Sudatenland.

As Arrse is brimming with squaddies who have spent many a weekend in Hamburg are there any phrases that would be useful

I was thinking along the lines on "My landrover appears to have written of your VW polo, sorry"

:help:
 
#2
polar69 said:
Having failed miserably at learning to talk English proper like I decided I should try to pick up some German lingo in time for my next jolly to the Sudatenland.

As Arrse is brimming with squaddies who have spent many a weekend in Hamburg are there any phrases that would be useful

I was thinking along the lines on "My landrover appears to have written of your VW polo, sorry"

:help:
Mein luftkissenfahrzeug ist voller aalen-My hovercraft is full of eels
 
#4
Wie viel fur einen oralverkehr?

How much for a blowjob?
 
#5
Wie Viel kostet diene madchen? = Which way to the post office?
 
#6
"Ich habe Geschlecht mit Ihrer Mutter gehabt"

Do you know the way to Berlin?
 
#7
Wie steht's mit einem preisnachlass habe ich nur einen kleinen penis bekommen?

How about a discount, I've only got a small c0ck?
 
B

Biscuits_AB

Guest
#9
No mate, just checked up on 'Toms Speak Eric' and it's definately 'Post Office'
 
#10
Bat_Crab said:
Wench3000 said:
Wie Viel kostet diene madchen? = Which way to the post office?
Are you sure? I always thought madchen meant woman. Or have I just been wahed?
:headbang: Wahhed to the utter maximum!! :headbang:

30 push ups, standby go.
 
#12
Heres another useful one.

Fich mein altestiefel, die sperme is raus kommen = could I have fries with that please.
 
#13
Sie dont schwitzen viel fur ein fettes madchen.

I would like to buy you a drink.
 
#14
You dont need to bother with spechen zie deutsch etc as Hamburg is a cosmopolitan place and most of them speak fairly good english to be honest.

If you go on the Reeperbahn its not difficult to miss the ladies from the cabaret as they all used to wear ski suits and accost you as you move from bar to bar. Most of them are controlled by Russians and Eastern European gangs and will try and take you back to an apartment for a quick one and relieve you of your wallet.

Avoid going for any of the birds in what is Herbertstrasse (just off Reeperbahn)which was known as 10 Mark Alley. Each end is gated by a huge metal screen. Its a laugh to window shop but all a bit clinical and a rip off. Its men only down there so any women who accompany you are likely to be abused or have a pishpot thrown at them etc

There are plenty of strip bars, lapdance places etc but some are very ropey indeed

If you want to chat up the locals you may need to practise a few key phrases and there are some stunning women around as Hamburg is a fairly affluent place

Try and make it to the fishmarket which opens at dawn and is a good way of getting some much needed coffee and breakfast.

PM me for any other info
 
#15
Sie boxen kopfe sind abfall, wir schlagen sie in beiden kriegen.

Could you help me please officer? (when seeking assistance from the police)
 
#16
Meine Beutelmaus hat verstopfung - Can you help me please (at tourist information)
 
#17
Geh' und krabbel in das stinkende Loch zurück, aus dem Du kommst.
Go back to the stinking hole you came from.

Auf die knie, und heul'/winsel' um Vergebung
On your knees, and suck for forgiveness.

Du stinkst wie n Pumakäfig
You stink like a mountain lion's cage.

Du fischgesichtige Entschuldigung einer Verfehlung der Evolution.
You fish-faced excuse of a mishap by evolution.

Seh ich deine fette Freundin, denke ich Deutsche Panzer rollen wieder. When I see your fat girlfriend, I think German tanks are rolling again.

Danke 'n Scheiss, hinterhältiger Sohn einer klapprigen Scheissnutte. Thanks for nothing, you backstabbing son of a scraggy bitch whore.

Das ist nicht was dein Vati im BETT gestern Nacht gesagt.
That's not what your dad said in bed last night.

Du gehirnloses Stück Primatenscheisse.
You brainless piece of ape's shit.

Hat man dir mal ins Gehirn geschissen und vergessen umzurühren?
Did someone shit in your head and forget to stir it?

Ihre Mutter ist wie ein Staubsauger: sie saugt, bläst und landet dann im Wandschrank.
Your mum is like a vacuum cleaner: she sucks, blows and gets laid in the closet.

Gäbe es 'nen hässlichen Meter, DU wärst es!
If there was an ugly meter, you'd blow the thing to bits.

Gäbe es eine Skala für Hässlichkeit, du wärst drüber!
If there was a scale for ugliness, you would exceed it!

Im Wörterbuch unter 'grotesk' stehen Deine Titten.
Under 'grotesque' in the dictionary, there's a photo of your tits.

Ihre Mutter ist wie die Spielhalle: 2 Euro pro Benutzung.
Your mum is like the neighborhood video game: 2 Euros a turn.

Ich steche Dir die Augen raus und pisse dir ins Gehirn, du kleines schwules Arschloch!
I will poke out your eyes and piss in your brain, you gay asshole.

Sag' deiner Mama ich bezahle sie später
Tell your mother I'll pay her later

Deine Mama fickt für Busgeld und geht trotzdem zu Fuß
Your mother fucks for bus-money and still walks

Du bist dumm wie drei Meter Feldweg
You're as dumb as 3 meters of field path


all with thanks from www.insultmonger.com

Pick a vindo zu Englishe arrse - zu taxi ist here
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
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#19
Vas costen the buns Jimmy?

As said by a jock in the Traz mid 60's.

Fluent as fcuk. :headbang:
 

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